#i have family members who would have likely lived to this day if they hadnt been victims of stalins purges

[sharpshotroakka]

i dont rly have a solid opinion on communism as an ideology itself (i simply dont know enough abt it to form one), but im a bit peeved at n concerned over how quickly communists, in western parts of the world especially, are to ignore n insult indigenous ppls whove lived n suffered under things like the ussr when they criticize any form of communism.

[nyx-is-missing]

SUNSET PART 2

Or a pretty bad doctor

Clarisse La Rue x Cassandra De Young (oc! Apollo's kid)

Summary: Clarisse is going to colect her dept, by treating her wounds with a very bad doctor. Or the one when Clarisse likes to taunt people.

Warnings: that time when you actually stop to think about your own life, mentions (one) of blood, confident Clarisse (she likes to taunt pretty girls, even when they are bad doctors)

(We actually get a clarisse pov today!)

Part 1 is here!

There were exactly seven demigods in the Apollo's cabin this afternoon.

An absurdly low number for a summer everyday, but considering im early, this must be common.

I've never seen camp so empty, its feels like another reality if im being honest, nobody saw when me and Clarisse walked in togheter, nor when she walked with me to the front of my cabin, and dropped the suitcases on the grass and started to walk towards her own cabin.

"Hey Clarisse! ....thank you! I wouldnt have made it withou-" she turned her head to me

"You owe me, dont forget that."

Like she would allow me to, why children of Ares got no patience? Or like, actually willingness to be sociable? They cant act like that with everybody, can they?

This was the first time i actually got space in this cabin, as well as the first time i could pick my own bed and place all my things calmly, is this how castor and pollux live everyday? Lucky them.

I mean, i love my siblings, but we are too many to such limited space.

And as much as that does leads us to somewhat funny situations, we are still too many, with too few bathrooms and mirrors.

Being like this allowed us to breathe, and think slowly, as if a person who lived his whole life in the busy city moved to a town who was mostly farm.

And that was when i started to miss the mess my siblings made when we were all togheter, when i actually had time to stop and think.

I cant even imagine the things my grandpa is saying about me, how he must be trying to poison the family against ourselves, he does that even when the smallest things dont go his way, and right now, the whole family must think of me as if i am Queen Mary I, and they are the protestants im trying to burn alive.

I didnt go to dinner that night, nor to the campfire, i wouldnt manage to eat without feeling dizzy after, and i was sure i was not in the mood for singing that night.

I just showered, put my pajamas on, grabbed a book, layed on my bed and hoped that time ran faster.

Coming to camp earlier had its benefits, at least to me, pick the bed, be aware of any new faces earlier, train more (with people who could actually be named opponents, wich just meant they had better sense of combat than a inflatable doll from a gas station) and of course, run away from insufferable family members who i had to face for nine months, to see more insfferable family members who i'll still have to face for three months.

Funny.

I just wouldnt expect to see her there too.

She always likes to spend some days of her rich girl summer life in her family's yatch, or shopping..not that i keep track of her life, i know very little, but i do know that she likes to get to camp when its already messy, people all around, shooting arrows, swimming, painting, fighting, singing and all, but this year she was here early and with a strange look on her face.

It was just..weird.

I didnt felt right.

But what surprised me the most was she asking for my help, and being in dept with me.

She didnt even looked at me in a normal day.

I think there is something to do with her family, they look at me, almost always with a ugly face, and then they keep her away from me.

So, she speaking to me was a surprise.

But to be honest, if i hadnt saw her earlier, i wouldnt even know she was here, i mean, she didnt left her cabin all...not that i kept track of that, but still, unsual, especially for a Apollo kid, they always love to be out and about under the sun.

But then, the whole afternoon? Nothing

Dinner? Nothing

Campfire? Nothing

At night when i went to practice a bit more with my sword? Nothing

She better not have run away, because she is still in dept with me, and im going to collect it right now.

It was late, but the cabin still had a small light coming from inside.

Strange, all of the cabins had their lights out, they were sleeping.

I knocked on the door, waited and knocked again, after a few seconds a sleepy Cassandra oppened the door, rubbing her eyes and taking a few seconds to realize what was happening.

Then she looked down, and saw me holding my own arm to stop the blood.

"Already?" She looked at me again, and started to tie her hair up, it always amazed me how in every situation she was her.

If people didnt knew she was a demigodess, they would probably think she never even stepped in earth ground, that she never had to share, or suffered any problems at all, her family raised her to be little miss perfect, and little miss perfect she was, even when what she was wearing looked like it came straight out of a beach party, she made it look like designer clothes, she looked expensive, always.

"You said whenever, today is whenever too" i said, walking in when she stepped aside to give me space to enter. "Wait, where are your siblings?"

"We were only in seven today, and since the camp is empty, they are probably sleeping with their friends, or boyfriend and girlfriends." She looked around, probably for a first aid kid.

"What about you? Nobody invited little miss magazine cover for a sleepover?" She grabs a kit and sits at one bed, starring at me...oh right, i sit down by her side.

"Im not in the mood for that tonight, Clarisse"

"Based of the fact you are still fully d-"

She stomped her feet on the ground

"Do you always have to be like this? Thats why my family wont let me talk to you! Im not in the mood for jokes, for sleepovers and specially for us to keep stinging each other" she oppened a little alcohol bottle, to clean the wounds i think.

"Oh they wont let you? so you wanted to? That-AH WHY?" I screamed when she just poured the alcohol straight into the cut

"Okay that didnt hurt....a lot, youre being dramatic, also, enough of that talk" she said while cleaning my cuts with a piece of cotton. "Now, we dont have nectar or ambrosia in here, and going to the infirmary is to risky..but you have small cuts, i think this will do....dontfinditweird... please"

"Why would i find it weir-" i was cut mid sentence by her giving a small kiss in my arm, and starting to bandage me right away, though i did saw some of my cuts getting better. "Im sorry, you do that since when?"

"Its..been a time, i just never used it because, you know, going around kissing random demigod's wounds would be, weird and unhygienic" she holded a finger up, and then a second, as if counting the reasons. "But hey, you are all set, and you should go, before anyone notices the lights on"

"Hey they were on before i even came in" i got up, and so did she, gathering all the used stuff and throwing them in the bin by the side of the bed.

"True, i was reading before, and fell asleep...i guess thank you... in a certain way, if you hadnt came here they would stay on the whole night and the chance of my siblings getting caught being out of the cabin was huge.." i looked around, "The song of Achilles" was it was half open on one of the beds.

"Greek myth retelling?" I ask walking towards the door, she just hums in agreement.

"A pretty good book, you should try to read it...i dont know if you like books very much but.. yeah"

"Maybe, tell me when you finish it, ill see if im in the mood for it" i open the door and put a step outside, but before i trully left i said "You are a pretty bad doctor, you know? Not even treating all the wounds, my lips are also cut" i watched her face go from confusion to realization in a second

"Clarisse! you-"

I slammed the door.

[snowsays]

on my knees hands clasped together in front of me pleading for you to infodump about your fic in which vertina is jolie’s human wife

oh noo, I fear you're gonna be disappointed 😖😖 the fic is not about them 👉🏻👈🏻 im not even sure if they would have appeared

it's actually a sokeefe fic that consumed my brain for -checks notes- four whole days, in which I wrote 8.4k words. I got inspired by this AU. I have actually mentioned it a little before in this blog, I asked for headcanons on what each member of the gang would study/wear/like, because it's a human!college!au, and I actually made a pinterest board with fashion inspo for Biana, Sophie, Keefe and Fitz lmao (you can check it out here if you wanna) and a spotify playlist for Biana and Sophie like those you can make with a friend where spotify automatically fills it with music according to the tastes of each of you

so basically my general idea was that Sophie and Keefe meet at a party where they make out and then the next day they bump into each other at Everglen for spring break. I was writing it on the go bc I hadnt written fanfiction in 12 years (something got into my brain last year and I had an idea for an Eragon fanfic, wrote like a page then got busy, and now this one) so I only had a vague idea of what I wanted to happen which was: make out/have sex at party so its real awkward the next day at everglen (I basically got to this point before the brainrot stopped), couple nightly accidental meetups bc neither of them can sleep, talk about their trauma??, have sex again??, and that was it 😂

but me being me, I got really into making it make sense. So the ~Lore~ I came up with was:

The Reuwens adopted Sophie and Amy after the Fosters died in a fire (cuz we gotta keep it in theme right?)

Jolie lives, and is happily married with Vertina. Fuck Brady (didnt think too much about what happened to him, but maybe he couldve gone to jail?)

Jolie is an adult and out of the house ofc, she's still 15 years older than Sophie

The Reuwens have an animal sanctuary, I was thinking horse sanctuary also inspired by another fanfic I read (but that one was a Haikyuu one)

Sophie drives an old pick-up truck, and Biana has a Suzuki Vitara Live (which she got to spite Luzia Vacker, who is her great-aunt and very conservative. It was a compromise, Biana wanted a Ram pick-up bc Luzia was all "ladies should only drive small cars" but Della and Alden got her to accept the Suzuki) (< that was inspired by my own experience with a family friend who wanted me to sell him my Renault Sandero Stepway and he would give me a Chevrolet Spark bc it was "better for girls")

Foxfire is a college

Sophie, Biana and Stina are roommates. They rent an apartment together (they're in third year, Sophie transferred to Foxfire in second year and got placed as Biana's roommate, who wasnt happy bc she hadnt had one before, but they became friends after helping each other with classes stuff)

Likewise, Fitz, Keefe, Dex and (I was still deciding if) Tam live together in a house (it's Cassius')

Sophie and Biana dont like Stina and she doesnt like them either

Sophie ends up going with Biana to Fitz and Keefe's party bc Stina goaded her about being boring, and then also ends up in Keefe's room to spite Stina

Sophie and Stina are both studying to be veterinarians (the college situation is a mix of how I know american colleges work and how they work in my country)

Biana I was thinking fashion design and/or art. Keefe also art

Also I got an anon after I asked for hcs that mentioned poli-sci/law for Fitz but also culinary so I was thinking he started poli-sci/law at Alden's behest (like Alvar) but then changed majors to culinary. I was thinking to give him and Biana issues with parental expectations and all that (but probably not super detailed)

Dex's major was mechanical ingeneering, and also he and Biana are dating

Also the reason Sophie was spending spring break with Biana and not the Reuwens was that Jolie and Vertina were in their honeymoon, and Grady and Edaline got excited so Sophie and Amy convinced them to go on their own couples trip, and then Amy made plans with her roommate so Biana invited Sophie to Everglen

No one knew Keefe was gonna go too. I was thinking he had a fight with Cassius about the party the morning after so Fitz told him to just go to Everglen with him

and I think that was it. i'm sorry it wasnt more joliexvertina centric, I hope you enjoyed it anyway

[clowntown0129]

RRAAARAGGAHAGHh

in other words, heres a list of twst characters and what kind of lives they would have in project moon the City! im set on most of these but would love feedback on what other people think 🥰🥰🥰 more under cut because good lord. still need to think of the districts they all live in 😭

HEARTSLABYUL

the Adeuce duo dont realize it but they end up working at the same Allas workshop and often get into trouble despite Deuce trying to be a good employee and make his mom happy:( Ace says fuck that. glove with the power of a small tornado to face

Trey being a baker in district K but unfortunately gets caught up in more syndicate business than he would like to admit (he still lives a normal ordinary life he promises)

Cater being a plain office worker in and hates his job but god damnit if he isnt gonna act like he looooves it!! he often gets called up often by Seven assoc. members because hes got connections to get info quick. also once did a totally legal experiment for a totally not shady organization where he was promised money but instead just snuck out with four clones of himself that all live in a friends like scenario in his (their??) apartment but would kill each other if it comes down to it. how the Head hasnt found out yet boggles him every day

Riddle being a super strict office manager thats studying to become a judge (weird ties with a syndicate?? at the very least knows azul)

SAVANNACLAW

Leona being the second son of a super important family that runs a huge company but hating constantly being in second so he runs away and starts his own syndicate (NAME PENDING idk if i just want to call it savannaclaw that seems…lazy). everyone in his syndicate all get metal prosthetics to make them look like animals. leona ofc has his own lion ears and legs.

Ruggie being part of a very poor family in the backstreets and having to do everything to survive including eating corpses on the streets before the sweepers can get to them. worked at Pierre’s Bistro for a bit before he quit and joined Leona’s syndicate because it seemed more stable. if he hadnt found Leona’s syndicate and made a somewhat better life for himself, he mightve gotten kidnapped by a sweeper and turned into one himself. he tries not to think about it

Jack coming from the same district as Vil but hearing about Leona’s syndicate and more specifically Leona—thinking that this guy is super cool and strong to take others under his wing!! he joins the syndicate and slowly realizes that this kinda fucking sucks

OCTAVINELLE

Azul and the tweels running a restaurant called the Mostro Lounge but it’s actually just a front covering the fact that it’s often used as neutral grounds between different syndicates for deal making. along with that, the three take on jobs like they do in game and all have hidden prosthetics that let them turn into their merforms at will. Azul doesnt like using it often because it makes him kinda clanky

SCARABIA

Kalim being one of many heirs to either a huge company or like an actual ruling family (districts similar to district S im looking at you) and having not yet been exposed to all the horrors of the City yet

Jamil being a butler sworn to Kalim ever since birth. he has some sorta equipment on his legs that emits smoke to temporarily blind his opponents along with typical butler equipment

POMEFIORE

Epel being a (begrudgingly) recent Cinq assoc. fixer who actually finds the dueling aspect pretty fun. he doesnt like how Vil gets him to act cute afterwards even when theres literally blood on his clothes

Rook being a Shi assoc. fixer originally but joining Cinq assoc. when he sees Vil his beauty his grace his Roi du Poison his most precious wecious pookie be—

Vil being a director of a sub section for Cinq assoc. along with being a fashion model. a guilty pleasure he often indulges himself in is being a hero—the last one on the stage—as he wins another duel for the day

IGNIHYDE

Ortho being a robot built in his image after he died right after White Nights and Dark Days. one of his core parts is a memory chip with all his memories locked into it using Jcorp tech

Idia being the heir to a company called Tartaros—its original purpose just being viewing over workshops and making their own specialized equipment. now its purpose is to gather any rogue abnormalities and lock them up to be studied

DIASOMNIA

Silver and Sebek being Claws in (suspended) training that work as Malleus’ bodyguards. they both have the Claw arms but only have access to one serum each—Sebek with a serum that makes him lightning fast and Silver with a serum that stores and multiplies his power every time he falls asleep

Lilia being a bloodfiend that was captured by the Head and has been serving as their one man army ever since. hes been semi retired to act as Malleus’ caretaker and constantly uses tech to make his bloodfiend traits less noticable

Malleus being the son of ????. all the higher ups want him either want him completely under their control to use or dead and honestly either plan is still on the table. since hes naturally in his dragon form and the Head hate non-humans, theyve forbidden him from shapeshifting into his human form else they kill him. he sneaks out often in his human form anyway with the other diasomnia guys using a mask similar to Roland’s mask to make perceiving him as Malleus impossible to do

i should come up with all the equipment and enhancements these guys have. holy shit

[drawing-way-outside-the-lines]

➖ Mature content, 18+ ➖ check the trigger tags each time ➖      

Chapter 5 - Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas. Episode 2.

Evan: Well thats our gang, and dont worry, we arent per say a gang, we just call it that way. I feel I maybe should say a bit more about Andy and Congo, as they are a big part of the gang as well. Congo is 49 years old, making him the oldest member of "the gang". He is a carpenter, very warm hearted, very tall, very big and bulgy guy with hair on his chest and arms. A real muscly teddy bear. He is kind, compassionate, loving, caring, really just a great guy who always wants to help. And then there's Andy. Smart, willstrong, reckless, passionate, strong, artistic in so many ways, flirty, cheeky, and add to all of that a dash of crazy. He is wonderful really. I could talk about him for hours, and I probably will end up doing so… but still I wouldnt be able to give him half as much credit as I want to. I admire him. Really. And now as I have mentioned the gang, I just wanna round it all of by quickly introducing Andy's family as we also shared Christmas with. Leonard, Andy's dad. 52 years old. Goes by the name Lenny. Very intelligent, great humor, a real family man always trying his best to help where he can. Katherine, Andy's mom, goes by the name Kat. 51 years old, very sweet and kind woman, very loving, a bit of a hen mom, very protective of Andy, but there is many understandable reasons for that, reasons Im sure most people would be able to understand if they knew. George, Andy's uncle, Lenny's big brother. 63 years old. Highly educated psychologist and Andy's therapist. Very down to earth, very caring and friendly. And last but not least, George's wife Gabriella. Mostly goes by the name Gaby. Shes much younger than George, actually only 33 years old. But they seem to have a very loving, yet open relationship. They are allowed to have sex with others, as long as they use protection. She is sweet, filled with positive energy, nature loving, a bit of a hippy although the right term in her opinion, is Gypsy. She is very beautiful, spiritual and knows a bit of white magic. She is an educated sexologist, and often advices Andy, trying to guide him through his new sexuality. I tend to keep a bit of a distance to her, she looks almost identical with my ex… the one I broke off with just before Christmas. Only she has darker skin, and less bitchy attitude.

Right, as I were saying; Christmas day… the whole gang was gathered at the ranch to celebrate Christmas and hopefully at the same time lift all our spirits a bit as well. It had been a rough past couple of months for most of us, so it was safe to say we needed a bit of fun. So we all decided to head to the nearby park. Fresh air would do us all good. It was gently snowing, everyone was chatting and trying to catch up on news from each others lives, some started building snowmen, while others had snowball fights. I looked around, Andy wasnt anywhere to be seen, so I left the group to go search for him. I found him quickly, I had been wondering why he was dragging a backpack around, and why he had had a smirk on his face while walking to the park. Turned out the idiot knew there were a small pond, and of course he had brought ice skates. This is the man who can dance like you see in the movies, you know Step up and shit, but still he can manage to trip over his own shadow. I laughed as he twirled around himself like a ballerina, he is always doing crazy shit like that. He laughed at me, pointed at the bag and told me he brought a pair for me as well. I couldnt figure if it was a bad or good idea, but I guess it was either the skates or building a snowman with Daniel that kept eagerly yelling my name. A snowman he would give up on half way through, and leave me to finish. So I grabbed the skates. I shook my head while tying them on, thinking there was no way this could end up well, as I hadnt worn skates since my early teens, but despite all warning signs flashing, I let myself glide out on the ice. Turns out ice skating is a bit like riding a bike, you never really forget how it works. We skated around for a while, just circling the pond, enjoing the fresh cold air on our cheeks, making them blush deep red. Andy kept smiling happily, it was easy to see he needed this. The freedom. Truthfully he is much like a child still, lets just say he had a rough start at life. Its really not anything I wanna get into. Cause Im not sure I can handle reminding myself about it. But sometimes, its easy to see the child still living in him. I guess thats one of the many reasons why we all tend to be protective towards him, well that and his suicide attempts also added to the constant feeling of protecting him, and the constant worry. I had missed seeing him smile like this. Happy. Worry free. I found myself getting lost in his bright smile, so when he grabbed my hand, I at first didnt notice. I guess I had already gotten quite used to him holding it when we were hiding somewhere alone. However, as I did notice, I stopped and quickly put both my hands in my pockets.

Andy: Frowned lightly What? He pointed towards the group they are pretty far away, and they are all bussy playing or yapping… no one is gonna see us. He reached his hand towards mine Come on man… lets take a spin.

Me: I looked towards the group, he was right, they were pretty far away, maybe they wouldnt notice? I looked at his hand, hesitating, and just as he looked like he was going to give up on me, I grabbed his hand okay… a quick spin…

Andy: His smile grew big and wide, and made his eyes sparkle, damned if he didnt knew how beautiful his eyes were in that state. He grabbed my other hand as well, and started slowly spinning us around on the ice, chuckling softly see… we are well hidden by the bridge… and I bet no one has even noticed we are gone anyway, I bet I could even kiss you without anyone noticing he winked at me and smiled cheekily

Me: No, dont! For a guy with a pretty deep voice, I find it hard to understand why my voice suddenly came out as a squeaky girl voice, and I blushed deep red

Andy: He chuckled hoarse since when do you blush?

Me: I looked down on our hands as I felt my cheeks get even warmer

Andy: He tilted his head and chuckled in the same hoarse tone and since when are you shy?

Me: I stopped and looked at him with a glare

Andy: Chuckled warmly alright alright, I'll shut my big mouth…. I'll try to behave okay?

Me: I chuckled softly and shook my head as I started spinning again We both know thats near impossible.

Andy: He chuckled cheekily and pointed his tongue at me You know me so well.

Me: *I chuckled softly, thinking to myself he was right. I had known him almost 15 years, it just seemed like Andy had always been in my life, one way or another. I observed his at that point green mohawk, the snow flakes getting caught in it as we were spinning around, his eyesbrow piercing, the new piercing on his nose bridge, his lip piercing, and as I sniffled my runny nose, I felt the cold metal of my own septum piercing. Just yesterday he had complained that my snake bite piercings in my bottom lip had been like and I quote him 'kissing a cold lamp post' so I had taken them out for the day. Not that we could kiss anywhere around here anyway, but just in case an oportunity would drop. It was hard to see anything but Andy, the slowly falling snow surrounded his well proportioned face, made his high cheekbones look even more pink from the cold, he was gorgeous, and I longed for his lips. I got so lost in him, spinning on that pond, and I think he got lost in me too. So lost we didnt even notice Daniel had snuck up on us, and was now enjoying life as a paparazzi. He was alrady on to us, and determined to get a proof. But for now the rest of the world didnt exist, it was only Andy, the falling snow and I. Well that was until we both lost ballance.

[homosexualmorelikehomiesexual]

i was homeschooled by a neo nazi. the sheer amount of damage it did to my psyche as a queer child in that environment is something im still grappling with to this day. and thats to say nothing about having my education, health, and emotional wellbeing neglected. i had to fucking laugh in 2020 when people were crying about not leaving the house for a single month, when i had been kept housebound since i was 6 years old. i cant describe the indignity of watching people finally recognize what id been saying for years, which is that remote learning was not only useless as an education method but fundamentally damaging to the students mental health, and then not ONCE think to check up on kids who'd already been homeschooled. not once.

because nobody gives a flying shit about the actual voices of homeschooled kids, least of all the parents that subject them to it. and thats not to say those parents dont care, or arent attached - quite the opposite. remember, we're talking about the kind of abuse that seeks to keep the victims closer, not further away. its just that the pressure to cover for that abuse is placed directly on these childrens shoulders. i know, because i lived it. we are expected to present ourselves to the public as prodigies, partly to sell people on the idea of homeschooling but mainly to ward off social services. and if we fail to do that, which we largely do, we are kept out of the public eye our entire childhoods.

and thats assuming it ends with the onset of adulthood. if we're lucky enough to have parents willing to let us go at all, that isolation and lack of worldly experience leaves us with no resources, no networks, no support systems, no basic survival skills. do you know the difference between debit and credit? what health insurance is, who pays for it, how to find a provider? who taught you to drive? do you know what the dmv is? what social security is, or where to find your birth certificate? do you know how to use a crosswalk? if you arent homeschooled, you do not realize how much knowledge you have that you take for granted. the level of dependance it creates on the abuser is terrifying. im 21, i didnt move out till 6 months ago. most people assume i took an extended gap year. the truth is i was psychotic from isolation trauma, rapidly developing stockholm syndrome, and had no resources to leave after i turned 18 even though i desparately wanted to. if i hadnt been lucky enough to have other family members to rescue me, i would probably not be alive today.

and despite how damning the evidence is that this is a terrible byproduct of multiple systems that long since shouldve been fixed, despite all the hubub about protecting children in this stupid, stupid fucking country, there is ZERO public interest in acknowledgeing our existence outside of using us as a talking point to snub rural america. a talking point, and nothing more. nobody actually cares to change those red states, they just want someone to blame. so when we do speak up, we get tuned out. because it turns out nobody actually wants to hear about the medical neglect, or the cults, or the grooming, or the domestic violence, let alone do anything about it. (besides vaguely gesturing to things like...calling CPS on our own parents, once again placing the pressure on the victims to rescue ourselves, when weve often been taught to fear those institutions since the onset of our abuse.)

if you think im exaggerating, go read through r/homeschoolrecovery. thats just the kids whove managed to get internet, most of whom profess terror at facing further abuse if their parents find out. look at your phone. look at your computer. every single device you own has the ability to set parental controls. i dont know the exact numbers of the silent majority of homeschooled children without access to the internet, but considering the main demographic who chooses homeschooling is white supremacist christian fundie cults, who really fucking love having numbers of white babies that exceed the double digits, id be confident in wagering its a lot. so you wanna know why over half the states in the country are red? fucking start there.

because theres a *reason* isolation is a cult tactic. its why im such an advocate for libraries, unpaywalled and un age restricted internet, and actually putting money into rural infrastructure - ESPECIALLY internet networks and public transit. because while the american public education system remains the stinking garbage fire it is, people are gonna keep choosing to take matters into their own hands. and under this presidency, it is going to get worse. there is no point bashing the parents for it, because it just convinces them further that the left has an agenda to systemically brainwash their kids or whatever. so please, for the love of god, make sure that even in the worst case scenarios where they have complete control over their children, those kids arent completely cut off from the world.

Anyway enough lame gifted kid discourse we are in our 20s. Let's talk about how homeschooling in america should be fucking illegal it's insane lol

[approachme4fun]

Why Im Over MissBanshee....Finally

Lovelife Ended

Since my last blogpost,MissBanshee went ahead and made a horrendes "hang Approach out to dry",camoed as a "adressing the situation". Where she without any sort of proof,tossed at me personality traits as a Stalker,a Weirdo and a Creep.

Like Theo Von said when a prostitute called him a pervert and a creep: "Well,im defintly not a creep!".

Stalking? Make it make sence that someone who has been deeply in love with you daily going on the 6th month and therefor for almost half a year fully,overnight turns into a stalker???? It doesnt make any fucking sence,from one day being sweet love and someone neither can get enough of,to the other day: fucking weirdo,fucking creep,fucking stalker!!! (Your own words on a stream!)

None of my friends who looks at us both as friends,or at least tries to look at the entire situation as objectively as possible,states that you have no reason to call a super recent boyfriend turned ex by you,a stalker/weirdo/creep.

Again,i adressed this in a Twitter article,how i have withnessed own female family members getting new IDs and a new location to live,top secret,to be protected against stalkers. They wanted the individual both mental and physical harm. I could NEVER hurt YOU intentionally! You know this better then anyone else,you said so yourself countless of times: "you dont have a bad bone in your body".

If i unintentionally hurt you,then i will fall to my knees and apologize the very moment i become aware! Well,if you let me that is......and i have proven this time and time again,its all in our endless amount of discord conversations over these almost full 6 months.

You also called me a creep? Only creep im looking at myself as in between,is when i listen to Radioheads song Creep.

Whatever you thought you had on me,to legitimize hanging me out to dry as all that,you DONT! But you did it anyway,wich proves to me not just that i invested alot more into our relationship,but you also dont feel anything for me.

You had a chance to highlight my good sides too over 2 fucking hours of hanging me out to dry,where you indirectly at first encouraged people to attack my twitter,and people in your own community to make up wild stories about me being married to children (one of your new mods btw),while the other sugardaddy Mod took things completely out of context,to show theyr true fucking colours!

And other people you said you disliked personally,and hadnt even been in your streams in forever,all of a sudden were there talking massive smack about me.

And yes,someone that is being shut out of someones life they have literally lived for the last half year,will be searching up streams to see how you cope with the breakup yourself,if you mention them at all for some closure,if anything. I would find it really fucking cold and unusual if someones partner DIDNT look up theyr partner in a similar situation.

I admit,my amount of text at certain social medias was abit too much,ideally speaking. But i was desperate for some answers,some closure so i knew what the fuck was happening,and quite frankly....had you answered me,put some effort yourself into the mix,alot of what you reacted so badly upon would never have been mentioned. I know this,and you know this.

Makes me wonder how much your mom really did read,if she was of such a bombastic impression of me. Didnt bother to tell her how i actually treated you day in and day out,for almost full half year hah?

Figures...... it seems to be an ongoing thing with you,while my whole idea was to also highlight your good sides and abilities wich i love.....or loved. Because they are now just imagination to me......never real. Something you can thank yourself for......

I have never mistreated anyone like you described on your "hang out Approach" stream. Funny that i should start with you,when it all has been explained with me being exhausted (no sleep),pain wich also resulted in deep depression,dumb reversed psychology was also in the mix,plus i was already upset over the latest neglect.

Blame me for waiting and waiting,staring at the wall,then back on discord,starting to do other stuff while waiting,as i thought your internet really was out for soo long,only to find you in a lobby with the same people you claimed to me that you had told: "Only me and my mans are gonna hang out this weekend!" Is it really soo much to ask for,to get a heads up? You knew this from previous neglects,how my head gets messed up over knowing only after the damage is done.

You need to update me!!!! Its soo easy to avoid these types of arguments,geezus fucking christ!!! You knew about my past of hurting and huge mistrust towards women,and you repeatedly promised me that you would never......

I kept my promise at least,i fucked up massively ONE TIME,and thats when you block me,when the depression is thick as a mist on my words! You know i would never break up with you,it was depression talk! So when i realized you had blocked me,it gave a ping in my head,i got super worried,regretful.....i just wanted to embrace you right away,reassure you that i would never go anywhere.

Then i get a screenshot sent of you saying to Megyhs that youre gonna do "a tactical death and give Megyhs your twitch". Thats when i really got scared of losing you,and i became even more desperate of getting you to talk to me!

CANT YOU SEE IT???!!!!!! *Smacks my own head real hard* If you only used your head for a tiny bit,instead of being soo stuck up in your own onesided imagination of me all of a sudden.

We both went into our relationship knowing about us both having mental health issues. I treated you and that fact with the outmost respect! I only stomped abit in the salad 1 time over a half a year period,and i have not stopped punishing me over going on 2 weeks straight now,for that massive blunder.

I should have never talked to you that morning,how harsh it sounds i should have made sure that i was more lightheaded first.

But now knowing how you are not only on another guy already,but you do the exact same things together in discord that we used to do etc,makes it obvious to be soo much more then just a joke that your excuse was on the "hang out Approach" stream.

Its like you defintly had this planned. You even did a full 180 on the emotes we spent so much time planning,only thing you kept was your Stitch theme. Everything else you got wrid of real fast.

Yeah....you were never as invested in the relationship as i was.

Only reason im able to write this,is because i actually tried to eat something for the first time in probably a week+s time,and unfortunately i threw it up again,im really messed up over this.....

Because of the vomiting i started shaking uncontrollably,it got soo massive that i thought my heart was gonna stop,then i blacked out (my whole body was shaking uncontrollably) I was exhausted....

I came to myself with a pounding headache,and a back that had locked itself,also being in pain. Yeah,this is the "creep,weirdo and stalker" you described alright....

You know creepers and stalkers shut off theyr emotions pretty well right,as they often got some fucked up mental illnes thing too? They dont care as warmly and passionate about theyr loved one,as i did with you.

Are you proud of yourself now,MissBanshee__? Will you tell your mom that you were in your wrongs to cast these personality traits on me? Nah,i think you thrive being in your position right now.

Interesting how your new sugardaddy is donating all over the place now,to kiss ass and get connections,it all seems very fake. I never hated on him for gifting subs btw,as you wrongfully claimed recently,with your immatured "dodging the actual problem",by taking things out of context. I used him as an example over someone you honestly barely know compared to me,and still you warned me by donating too much money on you,as you had blocked friends in the past who did this.

You wanted to refund me my 10K bits i once gave you,but you said nothing against your new sugardaddy "bestie bestie bestie" after barely knowing them a couple of weeks+,when he not only went over me in bitties in total,but on top of that gifted subs and bought shit from your throne.

Oh yeah,i have been building my case alright. I dont care much for your lame excuses anymore. You cant wiggle your way out of these facts.

One of your community members has even impersonated me,trying to make it sound like i called you ugly. HAH! Look at my twitter reply to this very thing. I always defended you,even now when you turned me into an emotional mess,and im barely clinging onto life really.

And i told you this was gonna happen,if i ended up falling for you,and you shut me out of your life or stabbed me in my back/in my heart....

But you still did.....

I got my blame to take for this argument leading up to it,where i wish i kept a clear head,loved you and agreed to us spending time together. Instead of suffering,losing my cool.....then deciding to take a breather on my own,where the plan was to make you happy again the next morning. It all sounded soo easy in my head.....then that morning came,and i wasnt myself at all.

But you didnt exactly help.....when you saw me in that state of mind,you should have said "Babe,i love you!" or "Babe,are you okay?".

Those works as "pings" in my head,i manage to shift focus/break out of the pattern and by focusing on you still loving me,i will also focus on giving you my love. And i start feeling better.......

But you expected me on your "hang me out to dry stream",to do it all by just asking for reassurance? Has it ever occured to you,that my mind doesnt function like that whenever im that "messed up"?

It doesnt happen often thankfully,thats why i often kept my distance abit. Not to be an asshole,but i wanted to protect you incase i bursted out something spontaneous i later on regret.

You seemed totally fine with it,the few times it happened and i managed to avoid us having missunderstandings over it.

And btw,Mei/Meijika offered herself/himself (i dont know if theyre all an act or what,but several people do question this individual) to reach out to you on my behalf,AFTER i had reassured them that they didnt have to do anything on my behalf.

They said they had thought it over,and offered out of the blue to write you. Thats when i first hesitated knowing how you had treated me up till that point,but then my head was like "maybe another female manages to reach in to my love?". But her reply back to me an hour later,told me that you had been seriously pissy at her,telling her that it was none of her buisness..... But she offered herself.....lets make that perfectly clear.

She then goes onto asking me to never contact her again (lol,she was the eager one to add me in the first place,calling me boo constantly,wich ill come back to in a sec)

I know how much you disliked Meijika according to yourself and your history with her,and next thing i know,shes constantly in your streams,calling you BOO and asking if you got room for her.......

You are soo easy to expose..... I hate that i feel soo much for you still.

But its finally time,to make that difficult standpoint once and for all. If i die i die,but at least i made the best closure for myself.

I will let my soul,my brain and body take the time they need to get over you,and then i wont be looking back,ever! I will stop having my door open for you to come back,because you obviously didnt invest as much into our relationship as i did,and you have had a complete change of character,how you run your streams,how you let people you hated become your VIPs and literally SPAM chat wildly.

Talk about a immatured chaos. I would think it was run by one of your younger siblings and not you,who i thought i got to know over soon half a year.

I will always cherish our memories,because they gave me a fake feeling of finally meeting THE ONE for me,and i looked forward into creating TONS of more situations and experiences like that. I thought i had finally found happiness,a purpose in life......but looking at us now,how one constantly tried for the longest to get his loved one back,or at least to talk to him again,if only for a little while,was met with a cold,aggressive,destructive wall of silence.

And after that,direct personal attacks,from someone that should know me better then so. (And now people that constantly made you freak out before stream if they messaged you,is also VIPs and screen mascots...HOW ABOUT THAT!)

And before you try to excuse that away with "people do change": Do they really change that much in 1 or 2 weeks? And most importantly: WHERE THE FUCK WAS MY CHANCE??!!! You literally unblock/take back guys/community members that has treated you way waaay worse then me!

For the first time im just gonna say it,respectfully: You were not worthy of my time,MissBanshee__! I loved you waaaay more then you loved me! Remember? I always told you "i love you moar",because i meant that shit. You started copying me,but just to tell me what i wanted to hear.... I figured you out in the end,you became good at "telling me what i wanted to hear",just not when it mattered the most.

Like avoiding that argument leading you into blocking me.

Nope,just blame it all on me,one who doesnt have that much more life experience then you have,i told you all about that too. Strange,how easily you chose to forget about certain things,and angle and nitpick on other things,as you claim me to be.....

Takes 1 to know 1 i guess......... Not until i begged people not to go after you and disrespect you,be mean to you,did you do a similar thing in your horrendes "Approach stream".

You loved to pick on a man almost out of energy for theyr writing skills/english,did i ever go at you for your messed up way of writing? No,im not petty like that..... So why the fuck did you?

I could keep going,but im feeling drained again,drinking alot of liquid is all i do in the heat. I feel like i could sleep for a thousand years,but everytime i try i cant.....

This song once described what i would do for you daily,and what you meant to me. Let me ask again: Is this the feelings and thoughts of a stalking,creepy weirdo?! So i watched you after you blocked and banned me? I FUCKING LOVED YOU,AND I SEEKED ANSWERS,COMFORT AND REASSURANCE!! It makes me fucking upset that some people act as dumb as this,just so they can throw more toxicity in there,and destroy another humanbeing COMPLETELY!!! I hope you and your mom is truly proud of yourselfs!

And before you get all agrovated and wants to jump in my throat for involving her: YOU INVOLVED YOUR OWN FUCKING MOM AGAINST ME,ON A FUCKING STREAM WATCHED BY ALMOST 300 PEOPLE!!

TF IS WRONG WITH YOU??! Yeah,im over you alright.......

And way to go to completely copy Rkive with your "new viewers,dont be shy/scared,say hello heart heart heart". Could you be anymore fake? PLEASE.... FINITO!

One final thing: You claimed you had read every single article,blogpost. But i call horseshit,because if you actually read it with interest,you would have felt sorry for shutting me out cold,you would have felt guilt yourself,and you would have done more to win me back yourself,at least the MissBanshee__ i once knew or thought i knew. I doubt you will ever read this last post either,so this is a final goodbye. Please do me a favor though,stick to your own click of communities. I dont have much left,and the only 2-3 streams i feel like i can relax somewhat in,you constantly come barging into.

Gimme some fucking space!

[argumentl]

Summary of Bar Boo with TTT (2022/08/11)

(I havn't included everything, it got too chaotic at times😅) 

※Boo starts by saying how its been 2 years since TTT last met up, and then asks the members to introduce themselves. 

※Kaoru starts simply with, 'I'm Kaoru', but Boo tells him to state his band name too. Kaoru responds with, 'Im Kaoru from TTT'. The others are impressed with this, and follow suit. 

※Kaoru points to the monitor and says that Boo's face looks pretty puffy on screen (Boo had already been drinking before going live). Boo explains how this is actually not due to drink. At the time of the previous TTT live 7 years ago, Boo had been on a weight loss journey, and had lost 45kg in the previous year. This is when the TTT artist photo was taken. Since that time, he has regained 30kg, so thats why he looks a lot different from in the artist photo. 

※Slim Boo was at the front of the group in that photo seven years ago, and he now talks about how you can't stand at the front of a group photo if you are fat. Kaoru nods and agrees, seemingly in understanding, but promptly gets scolded by Duttch, who says to him, 'How would you know that, you've never been fat!'

※Boo explains that he can no longer fit in the tshirt he wore back then. The others then suggest that Boo could try to lose weight before the live in September. 

※Boo tells them about his Diet Bootube channel (which he filmed with Koni), where the previous TTT concert is shown. They come up with the idea that Boo could be weighed during the upcoming live to see how much he managed to lose in a month. 

※Kaoru comments that you wouldnt know Boo had lost 45kg and then gained 30kg, just by looking at him. It looks more obvious on screen. Boo says it might be because his hat is too small, (so his face looks bigger). 

※Boo reads out the info for viewers to win the polaroid pics as prizes, and Kaoru points out that the deadline on the card is mistakenly written as 2022(month)/8(day)/18(time). Its supposed to say 8/18 - 23:59. 

※Tears of the Rebel vid plays. Koji jokes about being in competition with the others as they applaud him (This ends up being a running joke through the whole broadcast). 

※They try to remember the first Bar Boo, and whether it aired before or after the first TTT live. (It was actually 2 years after the first live). The first Bar Boo was the BBQ for Boo's bday where he got a straw bale of rice, and some Sylvanian family toys. Boo talks about how he took the rice bale home, and later discovered it had become full of flies. 

※Koji remembers the story Kaoru told back then about the accident he once had on stage with his platform boots.

※They talk about how a few of the members were late to arrive, including Kaoru. 

※Kaoru is reminded that the footage of him eating corn ended up trending last time, so the others joke that they could make him eat shrimp this time, and get 'Kaoruebi' trending. Kaoru says he can actually tolerate shrimp now. 

※Then they remember that they actually have takoyaki, provided by Koni, who runs the takoyaki restaurant 'Azumaya' in Setagaya ward. Koni says that during the weekend, he will give free toppings to any customers who mention Bar Boo. 

※When Koji tries to eat some, Duttch tells him to let Kaoru have it first so it will start trending. 

※UZMK vid plays. 

※They talk about how they have some ideas for TTT merch to sell at the live, and ask Koji to show the viewers a sneak peek on his phone. Koji actually brings up a photo of topless running Boo. Boo had sent this photo privately to his friends as a new years greeting, to make them laugh. He hadnt expected it to be made public, or that anyone would save the image. 

※Koji then shows the proper images of the merch ideas they have, which Kaoru designed part of. 

※They joke about how they could put the image of Boo running on at tshirt as merch. Koji says that Boo should run on stage like that for the upcoming live. While the others are all falling about laughing, Boo comments on how much he is sweating. 

※Koji has the idea that all TTT members could wear tshirts with that photo of Boo for the live, and then for the talk session they could all take off their shirts and give them as prizes to the audience. 

※Boo confirms that they will still play as a MCM coverband, with an extended set this time, but they still havnt decided exactly what to do for the talk session afterwards. He asks the members and viewers for ideas. 

※Koji suggests that each member could bring a present in, and random winners could be picked from the audience. 

※Kaoru starts laughing about how Koji is ignoring everyone elses' ideas and only talking about his own. Thats just how Koji is. 

※The Perfume of Sins vid plays. 

※During the vid, they decided that they will make 'Running Boo' tshirts, in blue at Kaoru's suggestion. 

※Koji fake-shouts at the others for not coming up with any ideas, but then decides to initiate a group hug, to dispell any hard feelings. 

※Koji then has a great idea about an epic TTT story he could tell during the talk event, but none of the others know what it could be that he is talking about. 

※Duttch and Aiji comment that Koji actually doesn't drink alcohol, depsite his energy. It would be dangerous if he did. 

※They talk about giving away the Bar Boo glasses and coasters as presents at the live, but decide in the end that the glasses might be dangerous. 

※The talk kinda descends into choas as they talk about how they could pass the presents over to the audience. As Koji explains his idea, Boo ends up saying that Koji is the guiding light of the group. Koji puts his phone light on and mimics a lighthouse. 

※LM.C vid plays

※More joking ensues about everyone trying to compete against each other, then they get back on track to talk about the live event in Sep.

※Koni mentions the idea of doing a live once every 12 years, so the next time they do it they would be 60 and wearing red chanchanko for kanreki. 

※They show the TTT promo photo, and Kaoru says Boo's arms look muscley on the pic. 

※Talk returns to Boo's weight loss goals, and Boo says how he hopes he has the stamina to perform. 

※The take a polaroid and each sign it. 

[creacherkeeper]

Spice for the autumnal asks, because I miss hearing about your haunted/cursed house experiences!

ohohoho thank you juliette <333

spice - have you ever encountered a house that you believed to be haunted?

(general spooky cw's apply here but i'll put more specific ones if needed)

so i lived in two haunted houses growing up. and when i say haunted houses i mean legit 100% definitely haunted to the degree of i would absolutely not believe in ghosts otherwise but i would be so stupid and willfully obtuse to not believe in ghosts after living in these houses. like other people have been ghost deniers and then i tell them all the stories of my extremely haunted family and they're like "i both believe in and am afraid of ghosts now"

so some background

my moms side of the family is Very haunted. lots of people in their family have had Experiences but the ones ive heard the most about have been from my mom and her siblings. my uncle very frequently saw a native american woman with long black hair walking around their house, most often sitting in his room and brushing her hair. the entire sibling squad and their cousins saw a person walking down the street and stop and fly over a ditch and then land and walk up to a house. my mom has had photographs talk to her. theyve all had prophetic dreams and frequently have family-oriented esp (like calling a family member they havent spoken to in four months at the exact moment that family member is calling them, or knowing when bad things have happened to family members. or even knowing i had a dream about a specific family member even though i hadnt told anyone)

the house that we lived in when i was a baby was so haunted that we had to move because no one would babysit me

the most common thing that happened was people hearing things that werent there. for example, my mom would be home with me, the garage door would open, the keys would jangle, the house door would open and shut, she would hear my dad whistling and then setting his keys down on the counter. then she would walk in and no one would be there because my dad was actually still at work. or if someone was babysitting me, they could hear my parents come home and talking as they walked in, but they weren't actually there, and when they would call my parents they would still be 30 minutes away. this exclusively happened when someone was alone with me so no one ever wanted to be alone with me anymore

also while living at this house, when i was about 1 1/2 or not quite 2, i told my mother i remembered when i used to be her mother. when she questioned me what i meant i got too angry and wouldnt respond to her anymore even though i was a very docile toddler usually

(pregnancy/miscarriage cw) at another house, my mom had her first of two very late term miscarriages. she woke up in the middle of the night but didn't know what had woken her up. she was lying on her back. then suddenly a cloudy black shape bubbled up out of her stomach, paused for a moment hovering over her, and then shot up through the ceiling. she had a miscarriage the next day

the house that i lived in from ages 8 to 18 was also extremely haunted. lots and lots of stuff happened at that house

very frequently there would be the unmistakable sound of feet running up the stairs. it was a brand new house and the stairs didn't make noise otherwise. just feet running up them every once in a while. the dogs would always go crazy barking and run to the stairs looking for who was there but no one ever was. this happened a lot when i was home alone

this also only happened on my bedroom door but i had one of the long handles not the round one, and very often the handle would push down, pause for a moment, the door would push open and stop halfway, pause, and then close again. i thought maybe it was just me but my parents were in my bedroom one time when it happened and were like jesus christ you were telling the truth

this only happened with me and my mom but we heard piano music in the house all the time

one time my mom was home alone and walked into the foyer and there was a girl sitting on the stairs. my mom freaked a little but thought she was from the neighborhood and came in through the backdoor (we didnt keep it locked) and said "hello?" and the girl looked at her and then vanished

also not totally sure this one counts bc sleeping, but once a woman in a tattered white wedding dress with long black hair woke me up in the middle of the night and told me to get out of my bed and go sleep in a different one. i didnt question it at the time but i woke up later like. wait wtf. found out the next day that this woman is a very common ghost to see

i think the one i've been personally present for that had the most participants was when me, my mom, and 5 of the baby cousins were playing in the backyard. they were all between ages 7 and 12, i was 16 or 17. i had to pee so i told them i was going inside and would be right back, and when i came back out they were all laughing. i asked what they were laughing about and my mom kind of rolled her eyes and was like they thought it was really funny you were waving to them from your bedroom window. i was like oh haha yeah just trying to be silly :) and then pulled my mom aside and was like i literally was not in my bedroom. she got very serious and was like dont lie to me we literally ALL saw you very clearly waving to us from the window. i was like i went in and peed and came right back and i never even went upstairs. we're the only ones home there's no one upstairs. she got very mad and told me to stop trying to scare her. when i was still speaking to her a few years ago she still didnt believe i hadnt gone upstairs and still believed i was lying because they "all saw me so clearly"

i do wonder if "ghosts" are just places where the multiverse overlaps with itself a little bit? all my supernatural encounters are just totally normal things that shouldn't be happening when they're happening. people who WOULD be there but arent right now. doors opening in the exact way i walk through them but im just not walking through them right then. people seeing me waving through a window when that IS something i would do, i just didnt do it

i've never had a "malicious" ghost encounter save for one incident that i never got an answer about. it was pretty simple. i woke up with the shape of a hand bruised around my knee. like someone had grabbed my leg while i was sleeping. my parents were the only ones home and neither of them had done it. their hands didnt even line up with the bruise. and no matter how much i contorted i couldnt twist my hand to fit onto it. but it was unmistakably four fingers and a thumb grabbing my knee. i dont remember if i had any dreams that night, but i never "heard from" that ghost again

so thats. why i believe in ghosts. lol. it would be dumb of me not too. i dont inherently think ghosts are dead people, like i said above. i think its just some spacetime fabric getting all ruffled up. but theres a lot about the universe we dont understand. why not some thats a little spooky?

now does that explain why my moms family is also definitely werewolves and just refused to tell me? maybe a little. but thats a whole other story

[randomsevans]

could of had part 3

to be honest it was a good days work . easy , you really didnt needed to do much and you get paid at the end of it , while having a free baby sitter . you had been anxious ever since Ransom entered but apart from that you were doing okay . he didnt bother you , but that doesnt mean you didnt notice him slightly glancing at you . you  only caught him because well you were doing the same thing .

He hadnt change on bit still wears those too expensive cloths that have holes , as he cant look after them , your pretty sure your daughter Clara could look after them better and she 2 . He still is confident as always and a complete asrsehole as he would start one of the family agruement and if he didn't started he was sure to either finish it or sit back and enjoy the entertainment .

No other family member notice you were there apart from Harlan and Ransom . you could tell Harlan was trying to get away to come and speech to you  but was always pulled back by some asking when  there next  allowance would be .

Martha was going to do an extra night shift in order to have more money that would mostly never be spent on her self more straight to bills . So this meant you had to head home by your self . you were gonna have to  call a taxi since you came in Martha car and you cant exactly take it and leave her stranded her came tomorrow .

You had collected your things and had called your taxi it would be here in 5 miniatures . Most of the family was still here apart from Walt and his wife and son , Jacob he walked out when Ransom made a comment and Richard added to it .You didnt want to leave until you saw the birthday boy in question one more time , since you was here to surprise him and your not sure when you would next see him . he is also your daughter great grandfather unknowing to him .

“would he like Clara ? would he  accept her as apart of his family ? or would he see her as the bastard her father does ?”

you found your self asking as your walked along the corridors , you heard the low chatter of the family as you and everyone with in the house could feel the tension that had formed once again in the living area . You had turned heading to the living room , you saw the family gathered as Harlan was seated next to the fire place , he looked tired you didnt know if it was from having such a long day or because of his family .

You felt your anxiety kick back in full swing as you knocked in the door frame , everyone eyes fell on you , you glance around quickly as you felt the daggers and looks of disgust. while you missed the soft blue eyes that didnt take his eyes off you . .You turned to face  Harlan   who had a the biggest smile on his face , the one that disappeared  as soon as his family arrive but  shortly made an appearance when ever you was in eyes sight and when Ransom made an appearance funny enough. 

“if you'll excuse me a minutes “ Harlan told everyone in the room that shared a confused look as if why is Harlan going to speak to the help . you shared a warm smile as Harlan made his way to you and met you in the hall way .

“are you leaving dear ?” he asked .

“yes , yes i am i just wanted to say my goodbyes and one last happy birthday before i leave “

“oh well thank you for coming today , it was really goof to see you again y/n , i miss you around here “ he sighed 

“yeah well i missed it too surprisingly it bring back a lot of memorises. “ you wasn't lying it was true , you had made a lot of friend here and it was an amazing job it was a shame that a shit storm of a family and a certain blue eyed boy with a shit eating grin ruined it .

“ oh well your always welcome here with a job or not “ Harlan said with a glisten   in his eyes  

“thank yo...”

“and your beautiful daughter of course “ Harlan cut you off . he had a smirk on his face very similar to his grandsons just not sharing the smug look . You stood there eyes wide month wide open in shook 

“i do not  blame you “ Harlan chuckled “ i understand why you wouldn't want her apart of this family “

“how .. how do you know “ you were still in a state of shock .

Im Harlan Thormley i find out everything “ he chuckled once again “ i presume that she is Ransoms “ you simply nod as he lets out a sigh “ does he know ?”

“yes .. i told him when i found out i was pregnant  he didn't want anything to do with me or the bastard he said .. i thought i didn't have her until today . 

Harlan let out a deep sigh and rubbed his face “That stupid   boy  “

you just chuckled nervously .

“what is her name ?” Harlan asked leaving his bitter tone towards Ransom into his more softer side .

“clara “ you answered 

“oh that is  a beautiful name “ his eyes soften 

“ but you knew it already “

“ yes , yes i did “ he said nodding his head as you both when into a fit of laughter . “ i would like to meet her one day .. you know being her great grandpa ... that makes me sound old doesn't it .”

“im afaired it does old man “ you giggled .

“so what do you say would i be able to meet my great grandchild ?” Harlan looked at you with pleading eyes . you thought hard about this do you really think this is a good idea , but who are you to say no to Harlan .

“yes of course “ you sighed with a wide smile . 

“ oh great , thank you ,  thank you y/n , i cant wait to meet her i bet she is just as sweet as you “

“she can be a nightmare when she wants to “

“just like her father then “ you just nodded .

“ i got to go my taxi is probable outside .2

“okay dear , ill see you soon “

“of course . Goodbye Harlan “

“goodbye and say hello to clara for me .

“sure will “

and with that Harlan made his way back into the leaving room as you found your way outside and much to you disapointment found no car waiting for . 

                                ************************************

you had waited outside of 20 minutes and let out a deep sigh as you know Clara wouldn't go to sleep  with out you there and it was late enough . you let out a deep sigh out of frustration. 

“ you still here ?” a deep voice came out of no where causing you to make a jump scare and place on hand on your heart . 

“sorry i didn't mean to scare you “ you turned your head slight and saw Ransom standing net you 

“did he really just say sorry and not laugh  “

“yep still here “ you sighted trying to avoid eye contact but always findin your self looking into those baby blue eyes .

“oh ..”

“yeah my ride hasnt showed up”  you dont know why you felt the need to explain your self .

“ oh well i could always give you a lift “

[eryiss]

Oh Captain Our Captain

Summary:  Sentry has been worried about Lucius ever since they have left the demon prince's palace. And now they're back on the stormchaser and have a moment to think, she has a plan of action. Anf if everything goes to plan, Lucius will know how they all feel about him, one way or another. [Quillucius One Shot]

This is just a little something becuase Lucius needs some love, especailly after last episode. It’s short and sweet, and i hope you all enjoy it. 

You can read it Archive of our Own, or under the cut. Enjoy.

Oh Captain Our Captain

"Oh Oriya," Lucius exclaimed. "It feels like it's been a year since we last saw you."

People chuckled and laughed at Lucius' reaction to the half orc, who awkwardly attempted to push the captain off her. She made a small comment explaining that, at least from her perspective, that it had been less than a day since they had seen each other last. Lucius quickly began to recount the story of what had happened to the group in those few hours. It was a spectacular tale, and almost all of the group chimed in at some point or another.

Sentry didn't, she was looking at Lucius with concern. She had been doing this since they had left the demon prince's palace, even if nobody had noticed. The reason for her concern was rooted in something their captain had said after the card game.

'I put myself forward because I feel you all have a greater purpose.'

On the surface, it felt like he was alluding to the destinies that seemed to be afflicted on the group. Sentry was now Sentinel Prime. Quill was H'esper's chosen one. Nova was collecting the pieces of Tiangong. Aila was the only wild elf of her clan on Aerois. They all seemed to have some kind of cosmic fate linked to them, and it appeared that Lucius did not. Sentry hadn't thought about that before, but now Lucius had pointed it out it seemed obvious.

But that wasn't what concerned Sentry. What concerned her was the fact he was willing to risk losing his mind, and possibly die, because he thought he was less important than the rest of them.

Sentry should have noticed he was feeling like this.

And when she had realised just how much that had affected him, she had thought back to their travels. How Lucius hadnt really been open with his emotions at all. His parents had been murdered, and someone wanted to kill his family, and he never talked about it. He closed himself off, and became a more stern and decisive version of himself, but the team had just assumed that came with his position of captain. But now it was glaringly obvious that he wasn't allowing himself to be emotional about anything.

Which of course was unhealthy. Only slithers of what he truly felt ever showed. When a member of the team was in danger and he fought so hard to save them, that was the closest he got to letting his feelings free. He didn't want to lose anyone else.

But he had just admitted he was willing to sacrifice himself for everyone else to live.

The team always had so much going on that they hadnt noticed it. But Sentry should have noticed. It was her job to notice. Her position in the ship was to keep up morale, how could she have missed that their captain was feeling so down on himself. It had been something that she had been thinking about constantly since they left the demon prince. And now that they were back on Aeoris, and on the ship, she had time to do something about it.

Inconspicuously, Sentry walked to Quill as Lucius introduced Thalia to Oriya. She nudged her friend in the wing, and he let out a small squark before looking at her.

"We need to talk about Lucius," She said softly. "He's not feeling alright. He said something after what happened in the card game, and I'm worried."

"You noticed that too," Quill replied, tone equally quiet. "He's been like this for a while. Every time I get him to talk he clams up and changes the subject."

Sentry sighed. She knew that, out of all of them, Quill would be the one to notice any change in Lucius. Not only did he have a near impossible ability to see subtle changes in people, but the two of them had been sneaking around at night for a while. When their relationship had been revealed, Sentry had faked surprise while secretly being glad the two felt comfortable to tell their shipmates about it. Obviously Lucius' boyfriend – birdfriend? – would know if something was wrong with him.

"I've been thinking about what we can do to help." Sentry said with a sigh. "Does he not like talking about what he's feeling?"

"He brushes it off. But only when he's feeling bad. He's happy enough to tell me he loves me," Quill commented, then blushed a little at what he'd said. Sentry beamed at the confession. "The point is, it's only when he's feeling bad when he closes off. I think he doesn't want to be an imposition. Or he doesn't think his problems are important. I'm not sure."

"I thought that might happen," Sentry nodded. "I've got an idea. I need some time to make sure I can do everything, so do you think you can distract him in his cabin for a while."

"Sure," Quill nodded. "I mean he'll probably want to have a sleep anyway, so it shouldn't be hard. How long will it take?"

"An hour or two. If you just keep him in the cabin for as long as you can, and I'll ask for you both through the messenger ring when everything's ready," Sentry requested, and Quill nodded. "I'll take Aila and Nova with me. So it shouldn't take long."

Again, Quill nodded. He walked towards his boyfriend, who was attempting to assist Thalia in explaining to Oriya how the medusa's ship worked. Sentry watched as the aarakocra guided Lucius away and spoke to him under his breath. Whatever he was saying, Lucius seemed to agree with it, and they were soon walking into the interior of the storm chaser. Sentry smiled a little as she saw Quill's claw wrapped up in Lucius' hand.

Now that they were out of the picture, she walked to Aila and Nova with determination, and explained her plan.

~~~

It was weird, being woken up by the use of the messenger ring.

Lucius was dreaming about something – they faded so fast he couldn't remember what – when he heard Sentry's voice asking for both Quill and Lucius to come to the main deck. He blinked his eyes open in a haze, lifting his head from Quill's chest and looking around his cabin with blurry vision. He felt a little stronger than he had before, thanks to the rest, and stretched his arms.

"You know you're the second-best pillow I've ever had," Lucius commented, smiling at his boyfriend. "Right behind the one I had as a child, which ironically was stuffed with feathers."

"So you like the pillows feathers more than mine?" Quill asked in faux offence. "I didn't know you were even seeing other feathers."

"Well, I suppose that pillow didn't have such a charming personality or such a cute face," Lucius mused with a smile. "Maybe you actually are my favourite pillow in the world. Congratulations Birdie," He laughed, and Quill grinned. "Why does Sentry want us on deck?"

"No idea," Quill shrugged. "Maybe it's dinner time."

"I hope so. I'm getting hungry for some Aerosian food," Lucius smiled. "Well, we shouldn't keep them waiting."

The two men quickly started to walk through the corridors of the Stormchaser, hand in hand as they did so. It was nice to hold Quill's hand, even if it was a little pointier than a human hand. A lot of things were nice with Quill, including hugging him, pressing his lips against his beak, and generally being around him and loving him. He was glad that he had stuttered out his feelings for Quill, and the birdman had reciprocated them with almost the same level of awkwardness.

As they got closer to the main deck, Lucius' stomach growled at the scent of one of Howards dishes. The food they'd eaten with Thalia had been nice enough, but it wasn't the same, and he had been craving it for a while now. Howard was a wizard in the kitchen and Lucius fully intended to make the most of it.

He pushed open the door to the deck with a smile, then froze.

The first thing he focused on was the dining table, at which sat every member of the Stormchaser crew. Then he saw streams of colourful paper had been hung from various parts of the ship, like a party. Then his eyes settled on a makeshift banner, handing from above. On the banner was written 'Happy Lucius Day.'

"What?" He asked, stunned. "What's… what's going on?"

"We're having a party for you, silly," Nova said with a smile, dragging Lucius towards the table.

"Why?" Lucius asked as he was dragged forward. He was dumbstruck.

"Because you're our captain, and you do a lot for us, and we want to make sure you know about how thankful we are," Sentry explained, smiling and pulling out a chair for Lucius. "And so you know we don't take you for granted."

"You really didn't have to-"

"We did," Aila said firmly, looking at Lucius with an authoritative expression. "We all thought you knew how important you are, but apparently you don't, so we're not taking any chances. So, happy Lucius day."

"I came up with the name," Nova smiled. "It could have been a little bit better, really, but 'you're the best captain ever' didn't fit on the banner and we didn't know how long you'd be sleeping for."

Lucius felt tears prickle at the edges of his eyes, and did his best to blink them away. Quill nuzzled his beak into his shoulder when he noticed this, the aarakocra's version of a kiss on the cheek. Lucius took the seat offered to him without saying anything, and had a large smile on his face. It warmed Sentry to see it, and she was immediately glad that she had thought to do it. She just wished it hadnt been needed.

Looking around, Lucius saw that each and every one of the crew were here for the meal. Even lookout, who had been given a large plate that Lucius expected had been heated up. The fact they were all here for him… it made his fight against the tears difficult.

The party was a relatively simple thing, but it meant the world to Lucius. The meal Howard made was three courses. A salad that Lucius had once mentioned enjoying, a stew that Lucius would always have bowl after bowl of, and a chocolate desert that was popular among the sky cities. Even the menu had been made with Lucius in mind, and it felt as though the warmth in Lucius' stomach had flooded his entire body. The gesture made him feel so loved that he could barely put it into words.

"We've also gotten you a present," Sentry said after the bowls were taken away. "We hope you like it."

Nova placed a large book in front of Lucius. It was a leather-bound thing, and probably quite heavy to lift. Written on the cover was what seemed to be the title: Oh Captain Our Captain. It wasn't a book Lucius was familiar with.

"We felt like having each of us tell you how important you are to us might be overwhelming," Quill explained. "And that you might feel awkward, but we also know that you need to hear just how much we all love you. So we thought this could be a good compromise. Open it and you'll see what I mean."

Lucius opened it to the page of content. Listed beside each page number was the name of a crewmate. The names of his team, the names of his engineers. Even each member of the wolfpack had a name on the page.

"We wrote down how we feel about you, rather than telling you face to face," Nova explained further. "That way, instead of being overwhelmed and not knowing how to react, you can read it all on your terms. It was actually Aila's idea."

"People telling you touchy feely stuff is weird. This way it's easier to take," She shrugged. "Buy you have to use it, especially when you're feeling shit. Promise me."

"I-I promise," Lucius said, running his finger down the page with wide eyes.

"We're also gonna update it from time to time. We made sure to get one with lots of pages, so don't be shocked if we sneak in a new message or two," Nova smiled.

"Thank you," Lucius whispered, and there was a slight sob in his voice. "You didn't need to… thank you."

Both Sentry and Quill, as they were the closets to him wrapped him up in a hug. Nova followed suit, and Aila placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Lucius allowed himself to cry, protected by the comfort of his friends' tight embrace.

~~~

It was far past midnight when the temptation arose. Quill was sleeping soundly beside him, curled up and letting out quiet whistles of air as he slept. It was an adorable sight, and one that Lucius loved seeing. But, as much as he would normally be happy to watch his boyfriend like this, his mind was elsewhere.

When he was sure that Quill wasn't going to wake up, Lucius summoned a relatively dim dancing light and reached for the book on his nightstand.

On the page of content, he saw that the order of the messages written for him was somewhat at random. He expected there was probably a reason for this – perhaps they wanted to spread out the messages from people closest to him, perhaps not – but he decided that he would read maybe the first two or three pages. He was alone, essentially, so now was as good a time as any to see what they really thought.

He flipped the page, feeling a little nervous. The first message was from Aila.

'Aila.

Look. I know I'm not gonna be as poetic as the rest of them, and as this is the first page I might as well ease you into all the feelings stuff. You're one of the strongest men I've ever met, and you keep us all together. You're a great captain, and you need to stop being so hard on yourself. You kick ass, and anyone who denies it is an idiot.

And stop closing yourself off. I used to do it and its crap. If you ever need to beat the crap out of something, come to me and we can spar. Or you can vent. I can't give great advice, but I can listen.

You're a good man, Lucius. Stop telling yourself otherwise.'

Ridiculously, Lucius let out a slightly teary laugh. He read the message a few times, and couldn't help but feel a bloom of pride at Aila calling him one of the strongest men he had ever met. That was high praise coming from the strongest person he had ever known.

He turned the page again, fingers only slightly shaking with emotion.

'Howard.

When I first decided I wanted to join an airship crew, I won't lie, I was cacking myself. I was scared I wasn't going to fit in, and that people would be sick to death of me because I wasn't the roughty toughty type. But the Stormchaser let me in with open arms and accepted me. That's because of you.

You're a kind man, Lucius. You're accepting, and you're caring, and that makes you good. I was in a rough patch before I met the lot of you, and I don't know where I'd be without this crew. But you've given me a place where I can be loved all over again, and be happy and accepted. I'll never be able to thank you enough for that.

And I know that you cared a lot for your dad, and I don't know what exactly happened. But as a father myself, I can tell you one thing. Any father would be proud to have you as a son. Don't you forget that.

And don't forget that these people love you. And they wouldn't be nothing without you.'

A sob escaped him at that, particularly at the comment about Lucius making his father proud. The elf always wondered how his father would react if he saw him now, and to have such a good father as Howard to say he would have made the man proud meant more to him than he cared to admit.

A few tears fell as he turned the page again.

'Quill.

Lucius. I am so in love with you, it hurts. You are the most beautiful, strong, courageous and important man I have ever met. You are constantly thrown into the worst of situations and you fight your way through them with a bravery that no man has ever had before.

You are yourself, you don't change for anybody, and that makes you perfect. You make us laugh, and keep us safe, and push us forward, and make us feel warm and accepted. For a group of people like us, a person like you is exactly what we need. And you help us with such kindness and generosity, without any judgement, and you have revitalised my life so much.

One day I might be able to put into words how much you mean to me, but until that day I'll just say this. You are more loved by everyone on this ship than you could possibly believe, and we will continue to love you for the rest of time.

Lucius Virion Eluin Elenasto. You are loved, important, and adored.'

Lucius closed the book after that, and ignored the tears rolling down his cheek. He looked to his still sleeping boyfriend with the softest expression he could wear. Even reading the messages had been overwhelming, but in the best way possible. He had come from a group of people who often weren't open with their feelings, and yet here he had a book of messages singing his praises. He had never felt so loved.

He removed the dancing light, snuggled under the covers and wrapped his arms around Quill from behind. As he drifted off, he realised the mistake he had made in the devil prince's palace. He shouldn't sacrifice himself because he felt like he was less important. He wouldn't make that mistake again.

But he would do anything for them. He would fight, no matter what the odds of winning. He would be there for them in his darkest days. He would love them all, forever and always.

Just as they loved him it seemed.

[chicagopd2020]

New Beginnings Are Good For Everyone Ch.5

Waking up the next morning was one of the easiest things she ever done, which was weird because she hated monday mornings so much. But getting up and going through her morning routine just to make sure everything is right before she heads out for her first day as member of the Chicago PD Intellgence Unit. Kim had a little extra pep in her step and she was happy about it because it hadnt been there in a long time. She grabbed her jacket & keys ready to walk out the door. She stops for coffee to make sure that doesnt hit a wall in the middle of the day.

Kim walks into the station and she sees Sargent Platt, she decides that the best thing to do is to talk to her and to see what she is suppose to do. She stands there silently as Sargent Platt finishes the conversation with the officers in blue. When Trudy looks up and notices Kim she tells the officers to move along. She welcomes her back and asks if she is ready for her first day.

Kim replies happily that she was more than ready to prove herself to everyone. She kept small conversation with Trudy until Trudy looks behind her and notices one of the members of the Intelligence Unit.

Upton?

Yes Sargent?

You know Agent Kim Burgess?

Yes I know Kim

Well would mind buzzing her upstairs with you just until we can get her into the system.

Of course, follow me Kim and show you where you are going to start spending most of your time

Oh I cant wait.

I promise you that will change, I love my job but you have no time for a personal life.

I guess that it is a good thing that I am a woman focusing on her career right now and not a romantic relationship.

They carry on with their conversation with their small climb of the stairs, Hailey walks her to Voights office and wishes her good luck even though she knows she will see her in just a couple mins.

Kim welcome to your first day as a memeber of intellgence, just want to go over a few things while we wait on the last couple people to show up. He starts going over the rules and not that there was many rules but he lives strongly by the few rules that he has.

Kim has noticed that Hank Voight is not your normal Sargent but she wasnt wanting normal she was just wanting to serve justice for the city of Chicago. She continues to listen intently to what Voight is saying taking everything he was saying to the heart so she knows what not to do to get on his bad side. I am going to give you a few weeks to study everything, I have set up your test in two weeks for you detective exam. The moment finally comes to where he asks if she had any questions

I will make sure that I study up on everything that I need to know so that I can pass the test of my first try. I say things like that so I can keep it in my mind that I will pass the test and that I can do anything I put my mind to.

I know that everyone is partnered up with someone, I was just curious who my partner was going to be? I know that no matter who I am with that I will have a great partner. This team just seems like they have each others back no matter if they are actually partners or not.

That we do Kim we are family here, Whatever one member of the intellgence is going through everyone feels the pain, I know that it is weird to say buts it true. We have our fights like any of family but at the end of the day we will have each others back no matter what.

That is exactly what I want because at the FBI yes it was everyone worked as a team but at the end of the day everyone was only watching out for theirselves and if they had the chance to do it they would throw someone under the bus in a heartbeat. That was until Erin came I knew that she would have my back no matter what and she was the only thing that I was going to the miss about it and that was it.

Good to hear Kim, he looks out the window and notices that the whole team is here. Come on lets go out to the bullpin and I will let everyone know all at once who you are going to partnered with.

The door opens and everyones eyes looks toward the door and sees Kim and Hank exiting, Hank finally speaks up, So as everyone of you know Agent Burgess as of today is officially a member of Intellgence and I think she is going to be an amazing addition to the team and I want you all to make her feel at welcome. So as of today Burgess you are going to partnered up with Halstead, Upton you will be with Ruzek and Atwater you will be Olinksy.

Hailey showed Kim where her desk would be, which was actually her old desk. Hank liked the partners to be close to each other that shows they can work as a team not only on the street but in the close quarters of an office.

The first couple hours was kind of quiet just everyone going over cases they had been working on. When Voight walks out of the office and catches all of their attenion.

We have a case, We are looking at a small drug smuggling team that is somewhat new to the city, and one of the leaders of the team is trying to look normal or something because he has a nine to five job and he doesnt live in these high priced homes to make it not look so obvious but the others, they are staying hid very well because there has been no trace of any clues as to who any of his partners are. This is Lorenzo Lopez he is best known as Enzo.

Kim finally looks away from the file in her hands and takes a look at the picture hanging on the board, and her eyes go huge. She looks over a Jay and they share this look knowing that this was the neighbor that Jay thought was very sketchy. Voight must have caught onto that look, cause he questioned them.

What is that look the two of you just shared?

Well it turns out that he lives in our building and right next door to Kim. He just moved into the apartment a few weeks ago and he seemed kind of sketchy but I never really thought anything of it.

Kim was just lost in her thoughts that she didnt really hear the conversation that was going on. Until Jay tapped her shoulder to get her attention. She slightly jumped that never happens, she just thought that she left him in the past and now she was going to be apart of the team to send him to prison and honestly she cant say that she was upset about it. It was one of the main reasons that she left him she knew that the business that he was in wasnt legal and there was no way in hell that she was going to let him mess up her career.

Kim are you alright?

Yeah, Im just thinking about someway, anyway that we can take him down.

Jay wasnt buying it but it was her first day he wasnt going to push the boundaries just yet. So he just let it go for now.

Halstead you and Burgess go talk to your CI'S and see if they know anything about this. Everyone just keep digging into his past and see what you can dig up.

Kim heard the last sentence and knew that she had to tell someone about her connection to the suspect before someone actually figured it out and wonder why she didnt tell them, so who is best to tell then her partner.

They get into Jay's truck and head out and she knew that if she didnt talk about it now that she never would. She lets out this deep breathe

Jay I need to tell you something.

You can tell me anything. Im here for you

Its about the suspect that we are looking into, you know last night when I said something under my breathe about our sketchy neighbor

Yeah, what about it?

Well, what I didnt tell you is that I know Enzo very very well

How well?

As in we were together for over a year

What?!?!

Yeah, when we first met he was normal like any other guy but then the longer that we were together its like I just didnt get the same vibe from him that I used to. When we would spend time together I would feel uneasy that something could go wrong at any minute. So after that night I just told him that I think that it was best if we seen other people and that I didnt see a future with him. Lets just say that he didnt take it the best and i had to end up moving somewhere else but a few weeks before I found out that I got the job here I felt as if I was being followed and yet somehow we end being neighbors. I didnt want to think nothing much about it when I first set eyes on him but it just seems like he found out from someone that I was moving here and just thought that maybe if he lived here first that I wouldnt think nothing about it.

Kim you definetly have to tell Voight about this

I know I just didnt think that I would ever see him again

Even though you never thought you would see him again doesnt change anything he is our main suspect and you could be the reason he is in Chicago and that may actually lead us to him, I would never actually make you do anything that would put you in danger I hope you know this

I do know this, but whatever helps put him behind bars quicker I am willing to help

Jay talked to a couple of his CI'S and they were not much help, So they started back toward the station when Halstead got a message with an address to meet the rest of the team. As they arrived they seen the team surrounding something on the ground and as they made it to their side they seen that it was a woman who couldnt have been not much older than 25 and she was laying there with a cut throat.

Do we think that this has anything to do with Enzo and his men? Kim questioned

We wont know anything until we get the autopsy back. Says Voight

Sarge is there anyway that I can have a word with you

Yeah, sure

They walked far enough away that nobody would be able to hear what they were talking about. She told him everything that she told Jay and hoped that whatever she told him would help.

Kim I know that wasnt easy to say but I am glad that you told me before we had to find it out on our own and then it would have looked bad on your end and looked like you were hiding something.

Thats what I thought and Jay told me that I should tell you right away and I feel so much better now that I did.

They join back up with the team and all head back to the station. Once they make it back to the station  everyone gathers around the board and Voight feels the team in on everything you told him and they tried to figure out what was the best way they could get his guards down long enough for someone to get into his place to bug his apartment or even his phone.

Kim was the first person to speak up.

I think we know the only person that he is going to even let into his apartment is me

Kim you dont have to do this...Voight and Jay say at the same time

Your right I dont but I know that this is my job and that it is the right thing to do. You could always be close enough to that if I feel threathened that you will be right there.

If you are sure that you want to do this then we will do it

Its the furthest from what I want to do but its what I know needs to be done.

Alright everyone we will put everything in motion tonight. So get ready

Kim cant believe she is the one that thought of this but I think in the end its the only thing that would have made sense, Its the only way they will be able to bust him 

[sorin-in-the-sixth-sense]

A list of my favourite fictional grey characters (not in order) SPOILER ALERT!

Regina Mills (Once Upon A Time)

There is a reason why Regina is called «The Evil Queen» She was pure evil. A murderer, a kidnapper, a rapist, how could I like her? Well it wasnt before season 3 I started to like her. It took a lot of time. And I suppose I will never fully love her after she raped Graham for...years... and murdered people - children when she was a tiny bit frustrated. I would even say that she is irredeemable. And I thought her redemtion arc was unrealistic in the beginning, and for God’s sake, she should not have been crowned The Good Queen in season 7. But she tried to change so hard for Henry, she tried to redeem herself. Tried to be a good mother for a change. She saved multiple lives and souls. She didnt completely redeem herself, I must admit it. But she tried so hard and I feel like she deserves something from that. She eventually became a very good mother, even though it was a little late since Henry was already 12 when she became one. She was still a bitter bitch and blamed innocent people for unfortunate things that happened to her (Zelena, Mary Margaret, Emma) but by season 7, she became something more than that. She became half good. Grey. And even though she didnt completely redeem herself, she came close. Also, I love her sassy personality, she should be crowned The Sassy Queen, not The Good Queen.

Rumplestiltskin (Once Upon A Time)

The Dark One who after 7 seasons became one of the greatest heroes in OUAT. The man who was known as the village coward because he ran away from the Ogre War and was too afraid to fight for his wife became one of the bravest men. Like Regina, he was a murderer. He was super manipulative with all his deals and the «all magic comes with a price, dearie» thing. He manipulated people into getting themselves killed. Before he became The Dark One, he was a good man with a pure heart. But the power of the dagger took over him and his heart was all black. He was power sick. He always wanted power, but not for selfish reasons. He felt like he needed power to protect his son Bealfire/Neal and his wife Milah, but when he took that power, the darkness came over him and he, after time, became evil. It wasn’t before he met Belle French his heart showed a little bit of light. As he said, she was his light in an ocean of darkness. Their relationship was problematic and selfish in the beginning. He manipulated her into thinking he changed (which you know i detest *cough* James Potter) Rumple loved power more than he loved her, at least in season 4. He too often chose it over her, until season 6 when he started to properly redeem himself. His redemtion arc took over 300 years but it came in the end. His love for her changed A LOT. In the other seasons, his love was unhealthy and selfish. But in season 6 and 7, he changed a lot. This time it wasnt only for Belle, but Gideon too. They helped him let go of power and in season 7, he tried so hard to get rid of the dagger and the power so that he could live a normal life with his family. And after Belle died, he didn’t return to the dagger or the dark side. He helped the good side to defeat Drizella and the other villians in that season. He even became a father figure to Alice. And in the end he sacrificed himself to save Killian’s (Nook) life. And he got reunited with Belle. He is the most interesting character in OUAT, no doubt there.

Sawyer/James Ford (LOST)

Sawyer is without a doubt one of my fave characters from LOST (after Charlie and John) in his background, he was a thief and manipulated woman to believe he loved them, just to take all their money. (Maybe except Cassidy, since he fell in love with her later, but he still manipulated her AND got her pregnant) He’s a real asshole. Buuut - then he became an entirely different (and better) man. He meets Kate Austen and I feel like his love for her changes his character. In the beginning he was a bit of a perve with her (i mean, walking straight towards her completely naked...) he doesnt develope much in the 1 season, but later (beginning in the 3 season) he becomes quite selfless and protective. In season (was it 4? I dont quite remember) he falls in love again with Juliet Burke, and heeeeell, she was good for him. He also developes a nice relationship with Claire Littleton (platonic) he becomes protective of her. He attemts to comfort Hurley after Charlie’s death. In the rest of the seasons he is the born leader. He puts the team before himself (like when he sacrificed his chance to escape the Island) and in the paralell universe he is absolutely the best.

Heathcliff (Wuthering Heights)

Okay, no he’s not exactly a grey character since he’s a lot more dark than light, but I love him too much to not put him here. Differently from the other character I’ve mentioned above, Heathcliff doesnt have a redemtion. He died an awful person. He abused and manipulated a lot of people. Before he became this asshole, he was a much better person. He was an ass to those who deserved it (Hindley, That bitch deserved to die so young. Edward was a kind man, but I don’t like him, sooo... nevermind) The way he treated Isabella was sickening and awful, she had every right to leave him and take Linton away and hate him. I Don’t like Isabella, but she never deserved to be treated that way. His love for Cathy was unhealthy, but it was true and he would do so much for her. (They kinda remind me of Snily, so ofc I ship it) Heathcliff went through so much trauma in his life and never recovered. After Cathy died, he was practically dead too, then he killed himself years later. His life made me cry for days, especially the ending. He is such an interesting character with so many layers.

Ulrich Nielsen (Dark)

(Before I say anything, I haven’t finished the entire show yet, so this is gonna be short and probably not 100% correct)

To be honest, I don’t like Ulrich at all as a person. I look at him and I see a fully grown up man with no remorse for what he did to Regina as a teen. He cheated on his wife with a woman he didnt even love. He tried to murder a CHILD who hadnt done anything wrong (yet) because he thought he was going to kill his brother and son in the future (okay, i get why he did it. He was desperate to get Mikkel back and the whole time-tarvelig thing was extremely stressfull) BUT HE COULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING A LOT LESS HARMFULL TO PREVENT EVERYTHING TO HAPPEN. Despite this, i love him as a character. He is so interesting and there are times were I have to remind myself why i dont like him. He is brave and intelligent and... so fucking hot as a teen.

Hannah Kahnwald (Dark)

(Again, havent watched the whole show yet)

This girl is MESSED UP. When she was fourteen, she accused Ulrich of being a rapist, which is a very serious accusation and then blamed it on Regina who she knew was a victim of Ulrich and Katharina’s bullying. She is a home-wrecker, and when Katharina found out about Ulrich cheating on her with Hannah and confronted her, Hannah blamed it on Ulrich and said he pressed her and that she wanted it to end, but he refused or whatever, i dont 100% remember the conversation. But she was also a very good mother to Jonas and she was so sweet to Mikkel/Michael. She is a bitch, so much that its impossible to not like her.

Severus Snape (Harry Potter)

Saved the best one to last. The guy my whole account is about, ofc he’s on this list, and ofc this is gonna be the longest text.

This guy is a complete asshole. Always has been, always will be. He bullied Harry and Co (mostly Harry and Neville) he was a bitter and sarcastic bitch. He used to be a follower of Voldemort. Even in his youth he had a lot of flaws. We all know he became the bastard he was due to childhood trauma, mental illnesses and manipulation. I believe he had depression, grief and PTSD. At least in his 20’s he was suicidal, and I believe it remained like that til the day he died, because he had no one to help him or give him support. He turned to the dark side in an attemt to make his life better (as many members of gangs do) but he only stayed like that for two years, which is extremely impressive if you know what kind of person Voldemort is. As a 21 year old, Snape was a very different person from what he was as a 38 year old. If he was the way he was as a 38 yr old when Lily, James and Harry was in danger. First of all, he wouldnt start to try to save Lily by asking Voldemort, he would have went straight to Dumbledore, probably with his own brilliant plan on how to save them. Second, he wouldnt hesitate for a second to save James and Harry to. In canon, he needed to have a personal reason to save them, which was Lily’s feelings I believe. As a 38 yr old, he risked his life to save people he hated (Lupin) This is a great character developement. He went from being a selfish bitch, to become a selfless asshole. He was that kind of person who did anything in his power to protect someone, even if that person had nothing to do with winning the war and had nothing to gain himself.

[radioactive-synth]

Would u just wanna like. Info dump about Olivia? I wanna hear what you have to say about Olivia 👀

i could say almost what i know about her ;) its a long post so its under read more!

Olivia was born on 16 march 2019 (basically,,,,last year lmfao). her parents, originally from Cyprus, they moved in USA before she was born. she also has a younger sister (i havent thought of names yet). she graduated pharmacy college and started to work right after.

 she met Ryan (back then, he was an officer, but years later became brigadier general) , idk where, havent thought much of that,at the age of 22, and fallen in love and got married 2 yrs later. before they got married, Olivia’s father didnt wanted her daughter to have her last name changed, as he thought that the name Hudson is too american. Ryan had agreed to change his last name into Hudson-Zander, and any offspring they have, they will have the last name Zander. after the wedding, her parents and her sister moved back to Cyprus. they havent seen each other ever since, just talked over phone. 

she and Ryan loved each other, yet she had no idea how he acted with their son. besides her husband and son, she also had a brother-in-law, Michael Hudson (army medic, but retired and became postman), Ryan’s younger brother, and Vincent Hudson, her nephew. Michael’s ex wife never really cared about her son, so she actually took care of Vin even before she had Vaughn, almost 3 yrs later after Vin was born. Olivia is a great mom, very loving and always made sure Vaughn and Vin were taken care off and were healthy and happy. when Vin was around 10, his mother left, which it wasnt a surprise for Olivia, but it ruined Michael’s finance plans. despite Ryan’s protestations at first, they still helped him until he got a job and got back on his feet.

Olivia wanted to make sure her son will get the best education, as his dream was to become doctor (his uncle was an inspiration) so she sometimes worked overtime, so she can afford Vaughn’s education. one thing she didnt knew until much later, was how Ryan acted with Vaughn. she seen that he became cold over the years, but she always thought its cause of the war going on. but she had no idea that Ryan used to insult and even beat Vaughn often when she wasnt home. the only one who knew the truth was Vin, who always tried to comfort his cousin at times. Vaughn was afraid to tell his mom about it, as he thought that without Ryan’s payroll they cant afford to live fine. Ryan was acting lovingly towards Olivia, but it cant be the same said towards Vaughn. after Vaughn had graduated med school and got a job, he finally made courage to tell his mom the truth. she was furious about this, and has intended a divorce towards Ryan. they had a huge argument, but he finally signed the papers before he left. this was around 2071. 

when she found out that he was killed on the battlefield, she didnt cared. she was glad he was finally out of her life, and decided to stay in the same flat. she still felt sorry for Michael, as he was heartbroken about hearing about his brother. but things got worst, as a few days later, they heard about Vin (who was staff sergeant back then) was killed in an ambush, which it ruined her, her son and Michael. but she tried to be stronger for the other two. the funerals were paid by the army. since then, Michael couldnt even work anymore as he was too broken for anything. 2 weeks later, he died of an heartattack. Vaughn was feeling more heartbroken as he felt he couldnt take care of his uncle, his true father figure. and not a while later, he lost his job as the army got the small clinic he was working since he graduated, and got fired alongside other staff members. Olivia has started to work even more, so she can forget for a bit about her pain, and to get more money. she sold Michael’s flat, and sold any jewerly she ever got from Ryan. she only kept a laser pistol, a combat chest piece and a gas mask (who wouldnt had known these would be useful later). but no matter what she could had done, she couldnt ease Vaughn’s broken heart. they both had lost 2 people they loved and couldnt done anything but to continue living on. 

if Vaughn wouldnt had met Nora a few years later (they started to date when Vaughn was in last year of college), she would had sold everything and move with her son in Cyprus, to their family. Nora had helped Vaughn during his difficult times, and even helped him get a new job at Medical Bay Center, as her father was working at the mayor’s office. he asked her in marriage 2 yrs later. Olivia wished that her family would had come to the wedding and finally meet Vaughn, but her sister said that their parents are too old and sick to travel, and she cant afford to come to USA. this broke Olivia’s heart, as not only they couldnt get in USA, but also she was the only one from Vaughn’s family left, in comparassion with Nora’s bigger family. but Vaughn told her that he is happy to have her with him, and that leading him to the wedding would be a great honor. 

in 2077, an hour before the bombs, she called her son in the morning, as both had a day off in that day, and planned to come over her flat and spend time. (how Vaughn had nothing to do with the army as he never joined, he didnt had to give a speech). a while later, the vault tec rep called and told them they got a space in the Vault 111, as Nora’s father bought their places. when the bombs fell, she remained in the flat, but she was worried about her son and his family, as phones were cut off. she didnt done nothing but to wait, but she heard all the fights that took place outside. she securized her front door so no one will break in. 2 weeks later, after she had no more food, she decided to go out. she took the laser pistol, fusion cells, the combat chest armor and the gas mask, and went outside. lucky for her, no one had bothered her, and made it to Sanctuary. she found Codsworth malfunctioning, all he repeated was that ‘they went in the vault’. she left to the vault but a soldier in power armor stopped her. thinking that her son and his family made it safe, she returned to his house and take whatever food remained in there. she returned at her flat but she knew she cant stay in there. she put in a backpack whatever clothes, food and photos she could carry. 

she didnt liked but she needed to shoot to defend herself. she went to the pharmacy she worked but it was taken by the army. she left. she found a group of survivors who werent willing to shoot her on sight, and stick togehter. there were just 4 of them, and tried their best to survive. they also started to be affected by the radiation, their bodies going through ghoulfication, which was very painful for them. despite of that, Olivia’s eyes remained the same, but she lost her hair. she found a wig that she dyed in her natural color and stylished it in a ronin bun, like her son has.

her group started to be traders, scavenging and trading whatever they could get. they werent accepted right away by other people cause of their appearance, and started to disguise themselves. they left Commonwealth and traveled across America. Olivia was acting as a doctor and even managed to create meds with what she would found. but not everything was so good with her group. she often argued with them, mostly cause she wouldnt accept payment when she helps the wounded, or she gives to children free stuff. after 100 yrs, she had it enough and broke from them. 

but life on her own was not easy, and she felt more and more depressed. a few weeks later, she hears the cries of a dog, and finds a wounded mongrel, and scattered puppies. she understood what happened and nursed the grieving mother back to health. the dog was grateful and stick with her. she named her Nix. 

years of surviving in the wasteland had toughened Olivia. she wears leather armor and knows how to shoot. her specialization is the sniper rifle. she also fitted Nix with metal armor. they both work efficient in team and both can ‘talk’ even with their eyes. before, Olivia hadnt consumed alcohol or swear, but now she does both. yet, she never lost her motherly nature. there isnt a single day without thinking of her son, or remembering happy moments. one of her few photos she has is with her son and nephew. she havent been in the Commonwealth for a very long time.

during her trips, she also met my other FO oc characters: Vault Dweller Noné Smith, Chosen One Clovers Smith (both of them insulting her), Lone Wanderer Gabriela Abbey, and my Courier Tamir (she was 10 yrs old at that time, but she never forget the kindness Olivia had shown her). she also met MacCready when he was the mayor of Little Lamplight. he tried to shoot Nix from afar, but the dog sensed the danger and dodges it, while Olivia isnt phased at all, and turns around to see the kid with a sniper rifle and says: ‘you could at least wait for the target to stay and then aim!’. despite of that, Olivia wanted to help the children, and she became one of the few ‘mungos’ that MacCready trusts, besides Gabriela. she also taught MacCready a few sniper tips, and helped the kids by bringing supplies. but when he left, and the new mayor didnt liked Olivia, she never came back there. 

in 2289, she was at a camp for traders when she heard a trader talking about ‘General Zander’ and how good he has done to the Commonwealth. hearing her last name (as she didnt used her full name for 2 centuries, she only presented herself as Libby), she was curious who he was this Zander. she hoped that it was one of Vaughn’s descendants. she decided to go back and meet him. she stopped in Goodneighbor first, and met Daisy. she asked about General Zander, and at first Daisy didnt trusted her enough to give this information. but she told her that she can try her luck at Sanctuary. 

arriving there, she was greeted by Preston, and she asked if she can talk with General Zander. he at first didnt wanted to bother Vaughn, as it was his day off, but he seen something familiar in her eyes (both Olivia and Vaughn have same steel eyes, and also Oliver too), so he went to call him to come meet a woman named Libby and a dog. Vaughn was a bit annoyed cause he doesnt like to be bothered, but Preston insisted, so he went up to the traders’s hub. on his way, he remembered what was his mom’s nickname, Libby, and he realised that it could be his long lost mother. he tried to keep his composure, as he might had been wrong, but he wasnt: despite that she changed, he recognized her eyes, and called her ‘mom’ in greek. Olivia barely could control her emotions, as she seen her son, and called him in greek too. he took her in his arms and both cried, saying how much they missed each other. they needed 10 min to stop crying. Olivia had seen that her son has changed a bit, now he has more scars, and his hair and beard are longer, and seems more tired, but she can see he looks happier. she then met the rest of the Sanctuary Family, and MacCready had recognized her, and was so glad to see her again. she was also happy to see him and how good he turned out, but she couldnt stand a comment: ‘now who is the mungo here, mister mayor?’. he was terrified that if she would tell Vaughn all the insults he had said to her, how he could look into Vaughn’s eyes again? but Olivia never hold grudges against him.

she officially retired and lives in Vaughn’s old house, which she had decorated how she wanted. Nix joined the Sanctuary Pack as Hera accepted her. she spends her days gardening, spending time with her family, taking care of the kids, cooking and reading. she also ‘adopted’ Debbie Gaines as the daughter she never had, as she and Vaughn have a sibling like relationship. she also planned the wedding for her son and his husbands. 

overall, she is very happy with her life now.

[fellis-world]

G for Eos, H for Aeris c: feel free to swap between them for each character tho!

Lets start with Eos and the G questions~

Is your OC close to their family?

For Eos there is nothing more important than his family. If he could do it he would lock them all up to protect them. But of course that isnt possible XD He always have trouble to keep them away from the danger. And he is always scared that someday they will die or get injured because he wasnt able to protect them. This tought dont let him sleep at night...

Who makes up your OC’s family?

His family have, with him included, four members. Of course there is Eos.Trahearne who lives with him. Eos’ Brother Aeris and Aeris’ Boyfriend Aquilius. And beside of that there are also Trahearnes cats.

3.Does your Oc find their family supportive? If not, what would be an example why not?

Eos little family is really supportive for him. His brother cares for the household because Eos is rarely at home and the cats and Trahearne make a lot of chaos during the day. Everywhere are papers and cat hairs. without Aeris it would be a mess XD But in a emotional way they are also his cliff. Trahearne at least because he loves him. He can be himself around him. And if Trahearne isnt there he can always rely on Aeris and Aquilius. Lately he have  a good relationship to Aeris boyfriend.

4. What kind of childhood did your OC have?

Well, as a sylvari he hadnt a childhood per se but i will speak about that as his saplinghood. He was born in the cycle of night shortly after midnight. But he was very different from the other saplings. He was happy, cheerful...loud. He was so full of energy and nearly unstoppable. That caused him troubles under his fellow saplings. Because he wasnt like someone who was born during night, he behaved like someone who was born during the cycle of noon. But Eos gave a shit on that. He leaved the Grove as soon as possible to learn more about the world.It doesnt took long when he found his future brother Aeris...

5. Did they go trough any typical phases growing up?

He was a bit of a rebel in his early weeks. He dosnt wanted to listen to menders who wanted that he take a rest, he doesnt listen to the scholars who saw his potencial.And he called the firstborn a boring old man....well the last one was something he was really ashamed for afterwards because he didnt know who the man was.

6. Do they have any favorite childhood memories?

One of his favorite memroies is the song from Aeris when he heard him sing the first time.It was a song about hope and loyalty. But also a song with a bittersweet sadness within. Maybe this was the real reason why he decided to talk to the shy man he saved earlier.

7. Do they have any vhildhood memories they’d rather forget or be less affected by?

Indeed. Also a memory about Aeris. How he met him. It was Eos mission to destroy a camp of the nightmare court. It was one of his first Missions and the very first he did with Trahearne. Eos found in the prison of the NC Aeris. Chained, injured and nearly dead inside. He wanted to save him. Aeris took the hand Eos offered him but then a courtier shot him in the back. Instantly Eos baceme furious and destroyed the whole campf with one massive blow of his powers. Everything was burned. It was the first time he lost the control over his powers. The first time he injured himself. The pain and the fear he will never forget sadly.

A little cut because its rather long XD H for Aeris~~

1. What is your OC’s orientation, romantic,and/or sexual? Has it ever been a source of stress for them? Have they always been pretty sure of their orientations?

Aeris didnt know which orientation he follows. He woke up and was in the hands of the NC. He never had the time or idea to think about himself. Two years long all he witnessed was pain and suffering. He just tried to survive the abusement and the turtoring. When he was free it was everything new for him. But he never really tought about love. He is a very shy man and isn’t able to speak with strangers. So he tought no one would be interested in someone like him. But he never had preferences for genders. 

2.Is your OC a toughtful partner, in whatever aspect of that you want to cover?

He loves Aquilius with all he have. It isnt easy always to go with him, since Aquilius isn’t that shy like Aeris. But Aeris tries his best to follow him. He would do everything for his beloved to make him happy. Even when it means to be in a large and loud town. 

3.Does your OC believe there’s only one ideal partner (or multiple ideal if not monogamous) for everyone, or that there are many people who could be right?

For Aeris (and Eos too) there is only one man in his life. And thats Aquilius. He know exactly that he would never fall in love again with someone else. Its also his greatest fear that his beloved vanishs someday. But he try to keep that tought of his mind.

4. Does your OC believe in love in first sight?

No. definitly no. Aeris is scared of people so is first intention is running away or attack. When he met Aquilius for the first time he was very angry at the human because he destroyed his work. It took him weeks to gather informations about old ascalonian families and then he came and destroyed this work. He was very furious about it. Luckily he wouldnt see him ever again...well...thats what he tought. Aquilius had another opinion.

5. Does your OC believe in marriage? (or their culture’s equivalent)?

Sylvari dont really have a system for marriage but during his searches he always read old stories about marriage and such things. He know what it means to get married. He thinks marriage is the ultimate proof that someone loves you.It is a rather nice tought for him.Also he is very romantic (but tries to hide it) and is often daydreaming about that.

6. Has your OC ever cheated on anyone or been cheated on?

No Aeris is very loyal and he expect that from his partner too. he would never forgive it if Auilius would cheat on him.

7. What do they look for in partners? 

Aeris havent any preferences in races or genders. All he ever wanted was someone strong. Woman or man it doesnt matter. He wanted someone who would be able to protect him. Someone he can lean on. Someone he can trust. But of course his partner shouldnt be someone without a brain. Aeris is a scholar and sometimes he want to talk about it. It would annoy him if his partner dont understand a single word. 

8. What’s your OC’S idea of a perfect date?

Aeris is reeeeaaally romantic, so his dream is to be together with Aquilius during night. Just the two of them. Maybe at a fire. Watching the stars. Aeris enjoy the spare moments when he can be together with him. To feel the strong hands on his body. A warm chest he can lean on. And the tickling breath in his neck when Aquilius is teasing him.

9. What are some things that your OC finds to be an instant turn-off in potential partners?

Aeris HATE Violence. He Hate it if someone doesnt get treated with respect. Someone small, innocent would also be a turn off as potential partner for him. Friends yeah. But not lover. 

Thank you sooooo much for that. I hope the answers could satisfy you <3

[drfeelgood-21]

The past 5 Years...

I feel like some of you should know where i have been these last 5 horrid years, and it took me a long time to actually come to terms with writing this post. But here we go      Back in 2013 i joined Tumblr,made friends, made posts, and learned about some amazing music. MY journey for Metal had just begun. Fast forward 2 years, Im now running a successful metal/rock blog with a side of whatever the fuck i like. I had many friends that i would chat with on the daily through Snap,Facebook, and kik. I was there for many of you as you were there for me. I graduated High school and had a job. I was going into College. My hometown Uni that I always dreamed of going to. I was excited and this sets forth the downfall of my life... Part 2: 2016 hits, Im still getting over the emotions of The Force Awakens (Star Wars FTW) Type O Negative grew on me hard, and i started a smoking addiction to cigars. My energy drink addiction mixed in with that. Full time college and a full time job were hell but i managed. My grades were great, the financial stress wasnt. I was Paying for Uni out of pocket and it lead to some hard times. May came along and well I found myself a girlfriend who ended up cheating on me. I partied hard with friends, got drunk, did some insane shit and even hosted a party with my bestfriend Scott that got over 200 people to show up.  The end of Summer approached and I found this bright eyed beautil woman named Natasha. I fell hard. The only issue was, i was her Manager and i told myself to not do it. Luckily for me i was already applying for new jobs and was picked up by a huge branded Franchise company so we started dating.....Little did i know at the time i was helping her cheat. Little did i know this was her game. We spent the next two years “In Love” by this it was a blind game of abuse and manipulation. She scarred me so bad that i thought i was a narcissistic asshole. She found out about my use of tumblr and made me delete it and take off every single friend of mine from here. One night she slapped my face to awaken me and ask who Emily was ( a friend from tumblr long ago) She was jealous of a message i had sent Emily back in 2015 ( this ould be a good time to mention its January 2017)   I didnt see abuse at all. I could only see me trying better every day for her, but she was never happy. She constantly needed sex, constantly needed love, amd had trouble not being with me. At the time i of course enjoyed it because i thought it was love. I ended up getting an apartment with her late 2017.. We lived together till June 2018....I broke up with her She cost me the following -Best friendship with Scott -Friendship with anyone i talked to on social media ( Alot of you) -My college career -She spiked my depression - Made me feel like i should kill myself -Connection with family members - Trust -Connection with others I know that this post will probably summon that anon that hit right after the break up but just Fuck off.    I was angry ,depressed, and really fucking suicidal, I got injured at work and couldnt move for 2 weeks. (Dislocated my knee) But when i got back to work, i got a message from an old friend who just used me for sex,  so that happened.. 2018 sucked except for starting to branch out into the local clubs. 2019 Though....That was the year of rebuild. Worked my ass off at work and on myself. Figured out a lot of stuff, made New Amazing friends. Started back up old friendships and got my own Duplex so life in 2019 wasnt bad but i will admit i was drinking through a lot of it. 2020 had a slow start. But in the end of January this one girl approached my friend group and asked if she could dance with us. Of course i said, and we actually spent the rest of the night all together and she attached herself to my best friend Amber.  We spent at least an hour talking about Emo bands and style, until she got picked up by a friend.     I had her snap though and decided to message her the next day and tell her it was great to meet you we should hang out again soon. I was Nervous, i hadnt done something like this for four years... When she said yes to hanging out again my heart skipped, It wasnt officially a date but it was interest. We hung out a couple more times and i know i told her i liked her the second time, but i started liking her when she said “ you’re making me break my stoic reputation”     February 1st the morning after we went out again, i asked her to be mine...It was fast but i really hadnt felt this way since 4 years ago....One things for sure though..every time im with her the feeling grows stronger even though i did shut myself down. Its jsut scary how comfortable i am around her because i feel so vulnerable and i dont know if its just me getting my trust back, but I do know that im in love with her. Shes beautiful in so many ways and helps me rediscover who i am..what I stand for. I wanted to tell her that i love her after a nice actual dinner date...I had it planned.. But this Covid bullshit made me rush it. I had to tell her before she visited her parents back home.... little did we know at the time that she would be back home sooner than expected. I was at work when her dad surprisingly picked her up and made her move back home to Quarantine from this fucking virus. I sure as hell felt numb reading the letter she left me.  These are weird and hard times, and its sucked this past week. I cant get my mind to shut off, im stressed, i go to work,  i take care of family. Im Feeling drained and exhausted, but one thought of her and it all goes away.. I miss her. I just want to see her and hold her. Today was probably the worst day ive had in a long time....Im not doing well but im back Tumblr , to all whom even care anymore. Thanks for sticking around